Tonight's picture was taken in May of 2008. Mattie came home from kindergarten that afternoon, and we took his tent moth caterpillars out on the deck. These fellows had transformed into moths in our jars and it was release day! I have to admit the first time Mattie brought these caterpillars home in preschool, I freaked out! Mind you I could have put these creatures outside and be done with it, but I saw Mattie was intrigued and wanted to learn more. So I turned the gift of caterpillars into a teachable moment and it became a spring tradition together.
Quote of the day: Love is not about possession. Love is about appreciation. ~ Unknown
This morning I literally herded my parents to the car and drove them to the hospital. They see a rehabilitation physician every four months! I met this doctor in 2022, when my dad was hospitalized for a pacemaker placement. After my dad was in the hospital for a week, he couldn't get out of bed, walk, or do anything independently. They wanted to transfer him to a nursing home for rehab. I pitched a fit because if my dad gets into a facility, he won't be getting out! It was while pitching a fit, I met the doctor I saw today. He was such a God sent that after my dad was discharged from a week of acute rehab at the hospital, I kept both of my parents on as his patients.
Typically I go to doctor appointments with my parents and NO ONE asks about me. EVER! Today was very different. The doctor's assistant took my parents vitals and got up to speed on their current issues. Before she left the room, she asked how I was! She said that my parents are stable because of the work I do each day, and therefore she wanted me to know this. I almost fell off the chair.
When the doctor came in, we discussed each parent, one at a time. We started with my mom, who has more going on in comparison to my dad. Make a long story short, he prescribed a TENS unit for her. Transcutaneous electrical nerve stimulation (TENS) uses low-voltage electrical currents to relieve pain. A TENS unit is a small device that delivers the current at or near nerves to block or change perception of pain. We will try the TENS for four months and if that doesn't work, we will move onto trigger point injections. My mom has terrible pain in her neck, shoulders, back, and legs. We think it is muscular related, but we shall see, as she has struggled with this on and off for several years.
After the doctor was finished with my parents, he then turned to me. Apparently today was..... check on Vicki day! The doctor asked how I was, how I was sleeping, if I am exercising, and how I am taking care of myself! I did not get into my myriad of issues, because that would be a MUCH LARGER conversation. But I explained that caring for myself is hard right now given all I am balancing. I also told him that I sleep only because of the medications my doctor has prescribed to me. People who have been following me over the course of this last year, can see I have lost a lot of weight. This is typically one of the first things doctors mention to me! As if I am NOT aware of my weight. It is hysterical. Any case, the doctor can see the circus show I am balancing between both of my parents, so I am not at all surprised by today's questions! Especially since this doctor knows I have been doing caregiving for not just a week or two, but this December will be three years, non-stop, without a break! What the doctor doesn't know is I no longer have the assistance, care, or support of my husband.
Later this afternoon, I had my therapy appointment. One of the things we discussed was Mother's Day. This is my first Mother's Day without Peter in my life. I haven't been a fan of Mother's Day since Mattie died, but I always had Peter. Peter was part of my Mattie journey. We shared a lifetime of memories and being together helped me at least keep the life of Mattie fresh, real, and alive. Losing my husband, in a way, is like losing Mattie all over again. Remember Peter and I have been together since I was 19! He has been a significant part of me and my identity. When Mattie died, I struggled with the question... who am I? But here I go again, in yet another crisis, but now I have NO understanding how on earth I got to this place. At least with Mattie, I understood he had cancer and this horrible disease took his life. I did not like it, but there was an explanation. I have no explanations now, but am completely blindsided.
2 comments:
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-13402011/Mother-final-conversation-dying-son-cancer.html
Read this and immediately thought of you
What a touching and very moving story. Nolan's comments to his mom were so precious, astute, and reminded me just how insightful young children are about their own health and prognosis.
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