Tuesday, December 13, 2011 -- Mattie died 118 weeks ago today. Tonight's picture was taken in June of 2008, at Mattie's end of the year kindergarten party. Next to Mattie were his two close buddies, Charlotte and Campbell. This was a special threesome and as Charlotte would tell me often, when it was time for her to go to college, she said that Mattie and Campbell would be coming with her and they would all be roommates. If only that was possible! To me this picture captures a happy time and also illustrates the bond among three people. In so many ways, I think this threesome navigated their way through their first year of full time school together and they relied upon each other. Ironically, like the children bonded together, so did the mothers. Ellen (Charlotte's mom) and Christine (Campbell's mom) became my close friends and our friendship remains despite the fact that our children are no longer physically connected.
Quote of the day: The most called upon prerequisite of a friend is an accessible ear. ~ Maya Angelou
I think Maya Angelou's quote is quite meaningful and very insightful. Yet listening skills are VERY hard to come by and do not always come naturally to people. Throughout my time as an educator, I can safely say I taught hundreds and hundreds of students, and one thing that was always VERY challenging to teach was the art of listening to another person. Active listening requires great discipline, skills, a quick mind, and an ability to think scientifically and creatively. After all, as you take information in, you need to be able to categorize it, make sense out of it, ask questions, and if you are a therapist, you also need to be able to process this information and at the same time use this information to develop a rapport and connection with your client. Listening to another person requires energy, commitment, and a true respect for the person talking before you.
On many levels today, I experienced friendship. Though we hadn't planned to get together today, I had the opportunity to have lunch with my friend Tina. Tina and I became friends after Mattie died. In fact, she may be my first friend I have established after his death, since many of my current friends are connected with me in some way through Mattie. Tina and I are not connected to each other by children, which in a way is a blessing. It is a blessing because this is not what bonds us. What connects us is mutual interests, similar tastes and styles, and we enjoy the art of distraction and fun. Some how after interacting with Tina, I always feel appreciated as a person and that goes a long way in my book. Since dealing with Mattie's death makes me feel insecure at certain times, it helps to have a friend to verbalize the things I sometimes need to hear.
Today marks the 118 week of Mattie's death. It seems rather symbolic in a way that on this day, I would return to the Hospital. This evening, myself and several other parent advisory board members at the Hospital contributed food to a potluck. We brought this food to the pediatric units so that the inpatient families could have a nice dinner. The food was SO appreciated and I had the wonderful opportunity to talk with several parents whose children have been hospitalized long term. In the midst of my visit I also had the wonderful opportunity to see Tricia (one of Mattie's outstanding HEM/ONC nurses and was one of the nurses who helped us on the morning Mattie died), Sarah Marshall (our Angel of Mercy, who helped us for FIVE intense hours as Mattie was dying) and Debbi (our Sedation Nurse Angel, who helped us through every procedure and scan and also helped Tricia with Mattie's body the morning of his death). Somehow it is almost eerie that I would see these three particular women tonight, women who hold a very high place in my mind and heart.
Debbi and I had the opportunity to chat tonight and as always Debbi helped normalize so many of the feelings I have. Debbi lived through our nightmare with us and therefore, I do not have to explain much for her to get up to speed with how I am feeling immediately. I appreciate her accessible ear, an ear that I relied on many days and nights while in the hospital. Debbi let me know that "not a day goes by" when she doesn't think about me, Peter, and Mattie. Naturally with the beautiful full moon we had recently, there were many friends thinking of my Mattie Moon. As Debbi was speaking to me, what began playing in my head was the song from the Broadway show, Merrily we roll along entitled, Not a day goes by. I attached a link to the song that was sang by one of my Broadway favorites, Bernadette Peters......................... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TSb4DJGZqzY&feature=fvwrel
I think the moral of tonight's posting is that a listening ear and a kind word goes a long way. In fact, I would go as far as to say that the kind words you use with your friends and family will not only be remembered but can brighten up even the worst of days.
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