Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Tuesday, January 8, 2013 -- Mattie died 174 weeks ago today.

Tonight's picture was taken in January of 2009. We took Mattie to New York to begin his experimental treatment at Sloan Kettering. The day before treatment began we took Mattie on a tour of New York City. Mattie enjoyed the harbor cruise and seeing the Statue of Liberty. Peter and I did not know if we were coming or going on that trip and we definitely did not feel comfortable with Sloan Kettering as a Hospital. However, Mattie would not have had access to this particular immunotherapy if he did not start it at Sloan. So we did what we thought needed to be done.


Quote of the day: A meow massages the heart. ~ Stuart McMillan


This week in light of Patches diagnosis my quotes will be focused on cats. As my faithful readers know, Patches was diagnosed with cancer yesterday. Peter and I dropped off Patches at the vet yesterday morning and while Patches was there, Peter and I were text messaging back and forth. Peter was upset about Patches, whereas, I was pretty numb to the whole waiting process. Not unusual for Peter and I. Peter normally feels things in a crisis before me, and then I catch up. Peter made the analogy yesterday to all the waiting for test results we did with Mattie during his cancer battle. In many respects Peter was correct, the waiting and not knowing is a killer. Though Patches is our cat and Mattie was our son, there are just too many coincidences here. The vet called me about four hours after we dropped Patches off. 

The purpose of the visit was for her to sedate Patches and take x-rays. Our greatest hope was that Patches had an infected tooth, but we knew this most likely wasn't what it was. The vet told me that Patches has a large oral tumor, but the tumor is most likely a form of bone cancer. The tumor has eaten away at the bone in her jaw and therefore this explains why her teeth are falling out. What are the chances that Patches and Mattie would both have bone cancer?

Any case I spoke to the vet about Patches prognosis and the trajectory of her life with this disease. Because this is clearly a fast growing tumor, her prognosis is poor, and therefore it makes no sense to biopsy this tissue to determine the specific diagnosis. However the vet said to me on the phone that it would be understandable if I decided to put Patches to sleep yesterday. I did not have time to talk to Peter about this but my gut instinct was to say NO! However, I told the vet that if I sense Patches is in pain or isn't functioning, I will be returning. So I left the vet's office yesterday with a bag full of pain medication and apprehension about what is to come.

Patches spent a good portion of the early morning, 2am on, howling. As I said to Peter it is hard to know how much of this is just Patches and how much of this is pain? We suspect this is Patches' usual behavior. Because I have noticed that when Patches is in pain she shuts down, NOT howling. This morning when I woke up and was making the bed, there was no sign of Patches. Typically as soon as my feet touch the ground, she comes flying up the stairs to greet me. But in the last couple of months I have noticed that her hearing has been going too. She no longer can respond to our voices. As I was heading down the stairs, she did greet me and was thrilled to see me. She wanted to be petted and wanted attention. I was very happy to see her engaged and also wanting to eat. All positive signs, and when dealing with cancer, you have to cling to the positive signs.

After Patches ate her breakfast she retreated to Mattie's room. She now likes to sit on Mattie's pillows and look out his bedroom window. Patches has spent a great deal of time in Mattie's room since his death. Mind you she rarely ever went in this room prior to Mattie's birth or while Mattie was occupying the room. When Mattie died, Patches had great anxiety and showed signs of loss in her own way. When I see her visiting Mattie's room, it always makes me pause. Now that I know they are both fighting the same sort of disease, it makes me wonder. I wonder about the connection between Mattie and Patches. One of my friends wrote to me today and she said when a pet dies, it is as if the pet "is taking one coat off and putting on another coat." She feels that in a way our animals are always with us in some form. Certainly a beautiful sentiment.