Tonight's picture was taken in October of 2007. That weekend we took Mattie to Glen Echo Park in Maryland. Mattie enjoyed going to that Park because he loved seeing the puppet show company there and riding on the Dentzel carousel. There was also an old fashioned street car on display that Mattie loved exploring. It was a Park that really had something for all ages! When Mattie was a toddler it was very hard to engage his mind and body at the same time. Yet the puppet company at the Park always caught his attention. Mattie was fascinated by the creativity of the puppets, the stories, and this kept us going back for each and every show they performed throughout the years! Peter and I haven't been back to this Park since Mattie died. Tonight I went back to the Park's website and noticed that ballroom dancing classes are offered in their Spanish Ballroom. This intrigues me because on Saturdays the Ballroom features dances with a live orchestra.
Quote of the day: A butterfly is like the soul of a person, it dries out in captivity. ~ Marlene Van Niekerk, Agaat
This weekend, what first started to help release this block was Peter and I spent about an hour chatting through the book chapter and we talked through ideas and put thoughts into words. This began to help me think through some of my stuck feelings.
Then today I received an email from my friend Linda and she said to me to basically try to write and let Mattie guide my insights. Somehow that is what I needed to hear as I sat to try to tackle the introduction of the chapter, which I am still working on tonight. But while I was writing, guess what I saw? YES a monarch butterfly! This butterfly flew by my window ALL afternoon. I took that as a direct message from Mattie as his inspiration and guidance to me as I began crafting this chapter. Unlike the chapter I wrote this summer, this chapter is a parent perspective. In essence...... to share insights on what Peter and I learned from Mattie's cancer experience that will help other mental health providers working with children who have cancer and their families and then explained what caused us to be advocates and start a Foundation and National Psychosocial Standard of Care project.
The parent perspective of having a child with cancer is SO important and yet when you turn to the research literature there is a void of any data. As if our opinions don't matter in a way, or at least havent' been captured. Which maybe why I feel a great deal of pressure writing this chapter. I am being given the chance to have a voice, when there really aren't many voices out there in the peer reviewed literature. Naturally of course any time this voice expresses Mattie's story, well then that is cause enough for me to make sure that the writing is well done. So this all gets factored into the equation and has stymied my ability to write for quite some time. But I am holding onto the thought of being guided by Mattie and that beautiful butterfly that I saw today!
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