Tonight's picture was taken on September of 2008. It is one of my favorite photos of Mattie. My friend Susan came to visit us and brought Mattie this archaeological kit, in which Mattie had to dig through a block of clay to find model dinosaur bones. Once he found all the bones he then had to assemble them to create the 3 dimensional dinosaur you see before you. It was quite a project in which Mattie was down on the floor, sitting on a bed sheet with goggles on and clay everywhere. He had a wonderful time. But after it was over, he was tired, peaceful, yet satisfied with his accomplishment.
Quote of the day: There is only one thing worse of speaking ill of the dead - and that is not speaking of the dead at all. ~ Anonymous
My friend Charlie sent me a link to an organization based in Pacific Palisades, California, entitled, Grief Haven. The founder of the organization lost her only child to cancer. However, when Charlie sent me the link, she wanted me to know about a grief pin they were featuring on their site (http://www.griefhaven.org/order-pin.shtml). We have all heard about awareness ribbons and pins, but what is a grief pin? Well a grief pin in a way is similar to an awareness pin.... it is bringing awareness not to a particular disease but to death and loss itself.
Grief Haven feels that we have NO SIGNS and SYMBOLS in our culture to acknowledge that someone around us is grieving. If someone walks passed us, how do they know we are going through a hard time? In the "old days" people used to wear black for extended periods of time. But not today. I remember as a child, when I went to Italy to visit my father's relatives, I can recall MANY of my cousins wearing black. I found it odd, since people in the US did not do this, so I asked my grandmother WHY?? She explained to me that was part of the culture, people wore black for long periods of time, YEARS in some cases after a family member died!!!
We clearly know if someone is wearing for example a pink ribbon, they are supporting breast cancer, and a red ribbon, they are supporting heart disease but there are no ribbons and no symbols for grief. Mainly because we are supposed to bottle this feeling up and keep it in check.
The website explains that this grief pin's symbols were carefully put together. Grief Haven's foundation logo is an upside-down heart, which represents a heart in grief; the diamond shape is hope; and the scrolls are ancient symbols of love. To represent grief, we wear the heart upside-down. However, Grief Haven feels that over time, when we are ready, with hope and love, we will turn the heart right-side up one day.
When Charlie initially sent me the photo of this pin and the information about it, I looked at it and then saved it for another day. My initial reaction wasn't positive. However, the notion of the pin remained in my mind several days later. So I kept re-reading about the pin and then finally decided to order two pins to see what they actually looked it. When I received the pins yesterday and I read the material that came with it, I actually liked it much more than what I saw on the website. The pin is small, delicate, and goes on a lapel, like my Mattie awareness pin. I am wearing this heart pin upside down because in my mind I will always be grieving. To me that is a life-long process. Unlike the intention of the pin. I do not think there could possibly be enough love and hope out there for me to eventually turn this heart right side up. In addition, I am not wearing the pin as a symbol to others that I am grieving (which is the intention of the pin!), but I am wearing the pin as a symbol of the fact that I lost a very important person in my life. While on one part of my coat I wear an orange awareness ribbon that symbolizes Mattie's legacy and future, and now on the other side of my coat represents the loss of a boy and our lives that died on September 8, 2009. These are my symbols, symbols which are important and mean something to me.
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