Tuesday, January 27, 2015

Tuesday, January 27, 2015 -- Mattie died 281 weeks ago today.

Tonight's picture was taken in November of 2004. In a way it is hard to believe that our living room looked like this back then..... full of toys and ALL thing Mattie! I remember we did so many things on this little table from coloring books, writing, playing, creating, and having snacks. Of course Mattie also used the table for his trains! Trains were everywhere in our home..... on every floor and in every room! Trains of every kind and brand!


Quote of the day: People do not seem to realize that their opinion of the world is also a confession of character. ~  Ralph Waldo Emerson


Tonight I did not feel like writing. I have been spending a great deal of time writing and glued to a computer, for what seems like months. Peter was just watching me tonight and wondering.... how was I going to write tonight's blog especially since I was staring at the computer screen? Yet in moments like this when I draw a blank and really do not feel like sharing aspects of my day or feelings, I turn to Mattie. 

Around our home are constant reminders of Mattie. One of which sits right next to me on the couch.... a Lego model of the Taj Mahal. Peter picked this Lego kit up for Mattie at the store and when he brought it back home for Mattie, I think we were both shocked. Mainly because this structure is comprised of over 5500 Lego bricks. It is huge and a major production to put together. This would be hard for a seven year old who was healthy, but most definitely it was for one who was battling cancer. Yet Legos was our whole family's form of therapy. It kept us focused, engaged, and after we built something together we felt like we accomplished something positive and had a lovely creation to admire that brightened up our depressing space. Legos came with us everywhere, even to the Hospital! During Mattie's 14 month battle we assembled every Lego kit possible! He was prolific and in a way Legos enabled him to engage with the world around him. It was hard for Mattie to talk with others in his life as he got sicker and sicker. Yet Legos was a safe thing to unite over and as people entered into his hospital room, if they wanted to have a rapport with him, they knew they needed to take an interest in his Lego creations!

Despite the fact that Mattie has been gone from our lives for five years, several of his Lego creations are still assembled in our home and are on display. They still exist because Legos were that important in his life. They all have a story associated with them and when we see them, they remind us that indeed there once was a special child who lived within our home and whose spirit is still here and with us.