Tonight's picture was taken in August of 2009. By that point we knew that Mattie's cancer had metastasized but we had no idea what that exactly meant in terms of his time left with us. Next to Mattie was his buddy Jocelyn. Jocelyn was also battling osteosarcoma and early on in Mattie's fight Jocelyn became an important ally. She was with us until the end.
Quote of the day: The deep pain that is felt at the death of every friendly soul arises from the feeling that there is in every individual something which is inexpressible, peculiar to him alone, and is, therefore, absolutely and irretrievably lost. ~ Arthur Schopenhauer
Today marks the one year anniversary of Jocelyn's death. I do not think I will ever forget where I was when I heard about Jocelyn's death. Jocelyn's mom called me while I was away in Florida. We tend to escape town at this time of year because April 4th is Mattie's birthday. When Jocelyn's mom called me and told me Jocelyn had died, I was in total shock. Shock because I did not know that Jocelyn was that ill and was dying. This was Jocelyn's choice, of which I respect. As a young adult, I am sure Jocelyn was trying to protect me from losing someone else to osteosarcoma, but not just someone, someone who became very dear to us and helped Mattie through his intense battle. Nonetheless, I associate Fort Lauderdale now with Jocelyn's death, and some how the timing of Mattie's birthday which is already hard has another layer of complexity added to it..... the loss of Jocelyn.
Jocelyn took her diagnosis and battle with osteosarcoma with great courage and determination. She was unstoppable and obtained a law degree in the process, got married, and was achieving great things both at work and within her community. Jocelyn had that kind of go getter attitude that was contagious, and I remember at her celebration of life ceremony everyone described her in the same manner. They may have used a different adjective, but the significance was the same! She just had a spark and a spirit, not to mention a sense of humor and paired together... watch out.
I remember one day in oncology clinic, Mattie was expressing his fear to Jocelyn about his upcoming limb salvaging surgery. Of course we all could relate to Mattie's fears, but no one quite understood the ramifications of losing a limb like Jocelyn. Jocelyn wanted to share with Mattie that even if he lost a limb, life would go on and he would still be able to do all the things he loved and live a full life. He did not understand her at all when she expressed that opinion and frankly I think he thought..... "she doesn't get it." He thought that because at the time Mattie did not know that one of Jocelyn's leg was amputated from the knee down. He quickly found that out when Jocelyn pulled up her pants and literally popped her prosthetic off! She did it in such a humorous manner that Mattie thought the whole thing was a riot and very neat. Mattie began to see that if Jocelyn could live without a leg, maybe he could too. Jocelyn helped turn around our mindsets that day.
As I write tonight's blog, I found that something began glaring into my eyes. What was it? None other than Mattie Moon shining into the window. I have to think this is a sign from Mattie telling me that he has found Jocelyn and it is my hope in their world there is no such thing as osteosarcoma.
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