Tonight's picture was taken in March 9, 2003. Mattie was almost a year old. This was the day before my doctoral dissertation defense. I can still recall how stressed out I was, but one thing was the motivator...... I wanted to graduate before Mattie got any older. I did not want to live with the stress of pursuing a higher degree and being a mom.
Quote of the day: Looking back at my life's voyage, I can only say that it has been a golden trip. ~ Ginger Rogers
Front Row: Dr. Pat Schwallie-Giddis, me, and Dr. Carol Hoare
Back Row: Dr. Rich Lanthier, Dr. Don Linkowski, Dr. Rolf Peterson, and Dr. Rob Gallagher
This was Peter and me with Dr. Rob Gallagher. Rob was my outside the university examiner. However, Rob was key to my study, as it took me three years to find him. He worked for a large governmental agency that offered eldercare support services to its employees. Rob provided exactly what I needed, which was access to employed individuals who were caregivers of an older adult family member. It wasn't easy to find any agency who was willing to work with me and give me access to their employees. But I think Rob saw the benefits of working with me. He viewed me as a person who could give him important data about the effectiveness of his agency's work life services. Any case, we were a good match together and I credit Rob for enabling me to truly finish my dissertation. Because without data, I was in limbo!!!
After my defense was over, Rob told the committee that he wanted to offer me a Grade 13/14 job in the government to run his agency's work life program. A major job offer, which I was flattered to receive, because clearly my month of data collecting enabled Rob to see my ability to fit in his agency!
Fast forward to today, sitting at a dissertation defense, I was left looking back at my academic journey! Would I have guessed back then how my life would have turned out? That I would have a child die from cancer and in the process learn first hand the psychological issues associated with this disease and the impact on the family!? Of course the answer would be NO! You have big plans and goals once you graduate, but as I have learned plans change! So I couldn't help but view this student from this lens today. I also found it was very clear that she was naive about the topic of aging (her topic). As TRULY not grasping its complexity. But that is the beauty of being in her 20's. Yet I do think despite being young when I wrote my dissertation, I had a solid understanding for the aging population and the system of caregivers who provide support. I credit this to watching my maternal grandmother suffer from the effects of a massive stroke, and experiencing my mom's significant level of caregiving for her own mom.
Do I have regrets that I did not take that government job? Absolutely NOT! If I had, I would have been working around the clock and wouldn't have been instrumentally involved in Mattie's development. Which would have been truly horrific, since I only had him in my life for seven years. I would like to think that I made him my priority for 7 years, and with that I have no guilt. However, I would have had intense life long guilt, if I had made the decision to work full time, and not have had quality time with Mattie. In Mattie's short life, quality time meant EVERY HOUR I had with him! I find it interesting how attending someone else's doctoral defense today could send me right back in time!
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