Tonight's picture was taken in April of 2009. Whenever we were home and the weather was nice, we would take Mattie for a stroll around town. Peter snapped a photo of Mattie and me in front of Mattie's favorite fountain. He loved this fountain because of how much water shot up into the air and then came crashing down. Peter and I can't pass this fountain today without calling it "Mattie's fountain." One thing I have tried to block out of my memory was the stares we used to receive when Mattie was in public. Instead of people having care and compassion, what was exhibited was fear, bordering on disgust. We tried to protect Mattie from seeing this, but unfortunately we absorbed each encounter.
Quote of the day: And when one of us is gone, And one of us is left to carry on, Then remembering will have to do, Our memories alone will get us through, Think about the days of me and you, Of you and me against the world. ~ Helen Reddy
Helen Reddy was an Australian singer from the 1970's. Though most people today have no idea who Helen Reddy was, her music still plays on. Case in point, today I was at the grocery store. While migrating up and down the aisles, I heard the first few notes by the clarinet and immediately knew I was about to hear..... "You and Me Against the World."
Why am I so attuned to this? I am because I used to sing this to Mattie all the time. It is a very touching song, and if you are unfamiliar with it I attached the link and the lyrics below. Even before cancer, Mattie dealt with an overcame many issues.... one in particular was sensory processing disorder. Sensory processing disorder is a condition in which the brain has trouble receiving and responding to information that comes in through the senses. Some people with sensory processing disorder are oversensitive to things in their environment. Common sounds may be painful or overwhelming. The light touch of a shirt may chafe the skin.
In Mattie's case he did not like crowds, or having anyone too close to him physically. He was very sensitive to clothing on his skin, textures of foods and had trouble swallowing them and the list went on. However, Mattie would get very frustrated with over stimulation from his environment and would have full blown tantrums. Tantrums that could last 15 minutes or more, and multiple tantrums a day. Some of which landed up in biting. We started Mattie in occupational therapy at age 2, along with speech therapy. Within two to three years of starting therapy, none of his teachers could tell Mattie had any issues at all. In fact, I remember attending a parent teacher meeting with our occupational therapist. The teachers told us they saw no signs or symptoms that Mattie had any special needs. Myself and the occupational therapist simply laughed because these teachers had no idea what we went through with Mattie for the two years prior! But intensive therapy worked! I am a big believer in early interventions.
The disappearance of these processing issues did not just happen on their own. It happened because I took Mattie to therapy sessions twice a week, and participated in all the sessions. We worked hard together and frankly in many ways, I was the one person who truly understood Mattie. I did a lot of explaining of Mattie's behavior to other people but at the end of the day, I knew that Mattie was bright, sensitive, and loving. Which leads me to Helen Reddy's song. When Mattie was a toddler, I started singing You and Me Against the World to him. I felt it was the most appropriate song because that is exactly how it was raising Mattie..... it was us AGAINST the world.
So when I heard this song today, it brought me right back to Mattie's toddler days. I am sure most people don't roam around the grocery store in tears because of a song that is playing in the background! But I do! I am not a crier at all, but there are some things like songs that get me every time.
The specific lyric in the song that is so fitting for my current relationship with Mattie is.... And when one of us is gone, And one of us is left to carry on, Then remembering will have to do, Our memories alone will get us through, Think about the days of me and you, Of you and me against the world. I would have never guessed that Mattie would be the one to go first and as a result I am his memory keeper rather than the other way around.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lzb1KRyDgi4
You and me against the world
Sometimes it feels like you and me against the world
When all the others turn their back and walk away
You can count on me to stay
Remember when the circus came to town
And you were frightened by the clown?
Wasn't it nice to be around someone that you knew?
Someone who was big and strong and looking out for
You and me against the world
Sometimes it feels like you and me against the world
And for all the times we've cried I always felt that
The odds were on our side
And when one of us is gone
And one of us is left to carry on
Then remembering will have to do
Our memories alone will get us through
Think about the days of me and you
Of you and me against the world
Remember when the circus came to town
And you were frightened by the clown?
Wasn't it nice to be around someone that you knew?
Someone who was big and strong and looking out for
You and me against the world
Sometimes it feels like you and me against the world
And for all the times we've cried I always felt that
The odds were on our side
And when one of us is gone
And one of us is left to carry on
Then remembering will have to do
Our memories alone will get us through
Think about the days of me and you
Of you and me against the world
You and me against the world
You and me against the world
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