Tonight's picture was taken in April of 2009. Mattie was home, in between treatments. What Mattie was showing the camera was his corn flake. I suspect he thought the flake looked like an animal and wanted to make sure I saw it. Mattie had a good sense of humor and we understood each other. However, given all that Mattie was dealing with, one has to ask..... why was he smiling? That was the beauty of Mattie. Between the pain and inability to function independently, it makes you wonder, but I do think most adults couldn't have managed what Mattie coped with on a daily basis.
Quote of the day: The great pleasure of a dog is that you may make a fool of yourself with him and not only will he not scold you, but he will make a fool of himself too. ~ Samuel Butler
Over the course of the past year, I have bumped into two women on occasion at the waterfront. We bump into each other while we are all walking our dogs. They have three lovely dogs, dogs that like Sunny. Of course Sunny, is my ambassador and wants to get to meet and greet all furry friends.
Last week, I noticed one of the women was missing a dog. She only had one dog in tow. It turns out the other dog was ill and died. So I caught her on the first week anniversary of her dog's death. Now here's the thing.....
One, she opened up her tote bag and showed me a box of her dog's ashes. She explained that he was an important part of her life and wants him to continue to be with her. The second thing she told me was that she was planning a trip to Europe because she promised her dog that he could see another continent with her. So she feels taking his ashes will fulfill that promise. I am aware of the fact that one and two may sound very off to anyone that hears them. In fact, before losing Mattie, I may have thought this woman needed serious support. Or at least she wasn't coming to terms with her grief.
But I would say I feel differently now. When Patches died (March 20, 2013), I could not part with her (she was a loyal companion to us and Mattie for 17 years). Nor did I want to hear about how the vet would dispose of her body. So we had her cremated. She is in the reddish box on this stand. A stand that has many of Mattie's items on it. It is true I did not carry Patches box around with me, but I can understand why this woman does.
In fact, the woman in question said to me..... "you must think I am nuts." My response was "no, I think you miss your companion, and we all need to figure out how to deal with loss in our own way." Needless to say this woman was in tears over the loss of her dog. She explained what he meant to her and she really viewed him like her child. In fact, now that he died, I think she is questioning her own mortality and what the purpose of her life is. She has never asked me why I understand what she is feeling, and even if she asked, I most likely would stay on the surface.
When we lose a loved one in our lives, some people make a piece of jewelry or another object from the ashes. There are all sorts of companies to help us with this desire. Why is that socially acceptable and yet it isn't acceptable to carry the ashes of one's pet? I am not sure why this did not bother me, but when I met a mom in September of 2017, who came up to our Mattie Miracle booth at an outdoor awareness event and introduced me to her teddy bear as her son this bothered me greatly. I think I was totally caught off guard by the fact that she thought the bear represented her son, until I put one and one together and deduced the bear was the receptacle holding his ashes. The difference I felt about these two women, was the woman with the dog was very aware of the fact her dog died. She just wanted to feel his presence and honor his life. Whereas the mom with the teddy bear, I really wasn't sure what her motive was for carrying the ashes. She clearly loved the shock factor as she told people the bear was her child. At first I really thought she believed the bear was her child. It took me a while to really figure out what she was telling me.
Grief is complicated enough, without us purposefully making it more confusing. But one thing I have learned from Mattie's death is we all have to deal with the death and loss of a loved one in our own way. Which is why I suspect this woman carrying her dog's ashes even shared this with me. In fact, she thanked me for being open to listening without being judgmental.
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