Tonight's picture was taken on January 8, 2009. I will not forget this day ever. That day, Mattie went for a bone scan. In order to take such a scan, Mattie wasn't allowed to eat or drink anything since the night before. So that alone makes one feel unstable. But in Mattie's case, he had the bone scan from hell. Literally he had to have been on that scanner for three hours. The tech just kept taking more pictures. Mind you Mattie did not like scans what so ever, and typically did not do them without sedation. But the deal was if Mattie complied with the scan, we would go out to lunch on the hospital's campus with his child life specialist and art therapists. So Mattie was motivated to comply. However, asking anyone to sit still for three hours is over the top. Finally I confronted the tech and asked him WHY he kept taking more images. Needless to say, the radiologist had to come out and talk with me, since he was the one requesting more images from the tech. Turns out the radiologist was concerned about the areas where Mattie had prosthetics. The scan lit up in these areas and I am sure it looked cancerous, until he understood that Mattie had limb salvaging surgery. We even connected the radiologist with Mattie's orthopedic surgeon to verify what I was reporting. Any case, after the scan was finally complete, we went for lunch, and the restaurant on campus served food that they grilled and cooked right in front of you. The cook was playing games with Mattie, and our laughing through lunch was caught on camera.
Quote of the day: The great solution to all human problems is individual inner transformation. ~ Vernon Howard
As it is the second Friday of the month, I had a licensure board meeting today. What I thought was going to be a short meeting, turned out to be long.... try close to six hours to be precise. It is a real commitment of one's time and focus. But I have been doing it for a while, and in all reality, the meetings now are short in comparison to meetings in the past (before I was chair). Back then it wasn't unusual for meetings to run 8-9 hours.
I have been in this position for a long time and honestly there have been times I wanted to step down. But the staff feel my historical knowledge as it relates to our laws and regulations is important and therefore, insist I stay on. Which of course is a nice feeling that someone values the work that I do, and trusts my judgment and insights. In contrast, this week I found out that I will not be awarded Mother of the Year. Certainly that is no big deal, but since I was nominated for this with American Mothers, I took the application seriously. It wasn't a simple application either, because I had to respond to several essay questions and also get letters of reference from those who work with me. Mind you this is not something I would have ever applied for, because I know how organizations like this work. In that they award from within. In addition to this, I was certain they weren't going to award a woman whose child died. After all that doesn't make for a happy story! Nonetheless, out of respect for the person who nominated me, I completed the process.
But you know when you find something annoying? When something bothers you and you can't pin point why? Well this is how I feel about this whole application process, not to mention the fact that once I applied, I was getting emails from the organization weekly. Last night, I had just about enough and found a way to remove myself from all communications. But what bothers me is that I feel they did not take my application seriously. When it comes to being a mom, I don't have anything to verify my role or to assess that I am a good mom. After all, I don't see this as most parents do...... by observing their child and getting feedback in very external ways. So to me, getting rejected is upsetting, because to me I equate that to someone telling me I am not a good mom to Mattie. Certainly not rational, but feelings aren't always rational. So right now, I am angry. Angry that I wasted my time with this award application and angry that they can't possibly appreciate what my motherhood experience has been like.
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