Saturday, July 9, 2022

Saturday, July 9, 2022

Tonight's picture was taken in July of 2004. Mattie was two years old and this was his second vacation by the beach. The year before, he never touched the sand and he couldn't tolerate the sound of the ocean. By the second year, Mattie wanted to go onto the sand and do what he loved best.... build! Mattie could spend hours doing this with Peter or me!

Quote of the day:. I'm going to be gone one day, and I have to accept that tomorrow isn't promised. Am I OK with how I’m living today? It's the only thing I can help. If I didn't have another one, what have I done with all my todays? Am I doing a good job? ~ Hayley Williams

I read today's quote and it left me pondering! Do caregivers truly think they are doing a good job? Is this job fulfilling? Appreciated, or makes a difference? The quote poses...... Am I okay with how I'm living today? What a great question, as I believe with caregiving (for anyone at any age) requires you to LIVE in the moment. To be very present and NOT too forward or future oriented! Or at least this is how I have learned to survive. I learned this lesson early on when Mattie was diagnosed with cancer. Nothing in life is guaranteed and the problem with caregiving is once you have figured out a routine, it quickly changes because of medical or emotional issues that arise. The lack of consistency is what adds to the complexity of caregiving. 

What I have done with all my todays (as of November 2021), looks very different from my former life. I am typically a very productive person, but when caregiving for two older adults, I hardly have a moment to myself to focus, concentrate and do anything. Any free time, which isn't much, is designated to chores, or showering, and sleeping. It is quite a commentary and sometimes it frustrates me and I am left asking.... what kind of life is this? The problem with all of this of course is if I am NO longer a caregiver that means that my parents do not exist. So the alternative to no caregiving is not met with a prize or a gold pot at the end of the rainbow. 

Peter has captured some beautiful photos of plantings in our backyard. He planted this orange rose in memory of Mattie! It is stunning. 

Our canna lilies from Washington, DC. We brought them with us. The were in big flower pots and Peter transplanted them into the ground. 

Peter planted a whole circle of gladiolas. His grandmother's name was Gladys, and to me the name gladiola reminds me of Gladys. 

Tiger lilies. They were already in the backyard when we bought the house. 

The house came with MANY hydrangea bushes. There are MANY varieties of this plant. We have the typical snowball looking hydrangeas but we also have oak leaf and lace cap varieties. 

A pink lace cap!

Peter planted sunflowers. Despite the horrible rain storm last night, the sunflower heads opened up and showed their glory today. I am a huge sunflower fan and this is the first set of sunflowers we have ever grown. 

I became attached to sunflowers in 2008 and 2009, when Team Mattie gave me these flowers whenever we were home between hospital treatments. It is a happy looking flower, and it symbolizes hope, love and community to me. I feel like I now have a piece of Team Mattie in our backyard. A Team that will never be forgotten, nor will their kindness, incredible spirit, and generosity. Some things live on forever.