Tonight's picture was taken in February of 2009. This was Mattie's last Valentine's Day with us. That day he received two big boxes filled with Valentine's cards from his classmates. In fact, not just Mattie's class, but all four kindergarten classrooms. In addition, Mattie got this huge lollipop as a gift! Mattie thought it was a riot, as it was as large as his head.
Quote of the day: Never underestimate the empowering effect of human connection. All you need is that one person, who understands you completely, believes in you and makes you feel loved for what you are, to enable you – to unfold the miraculous YOU. ~ Drishti Bablani
Every quarter my dad's memory care center sends home a report on how he is doing! Frankly if you read this quarter's report, you would think my dad is an easy as pie to take care of. They keep saying that my dad is oriented to person and place, just not to time. Here is my take on all of this! My dad is very quiet, isn't physically aggressive or active, and therefore in a group setting he requires very little attention. So from their perspective, in comparison to the other participants in the program, my dad is easy. But I also think he just falls off their radar scope.
They think he loves their program, enjoys particular activities, such as the monthly visitor who comes in and dances with participants, but the reality is actually quite different. My dad doesn't enjoy watching or seeing the dancing, he doesn't enjoy the arts and crafts and most days comes home and says that he was very bored at the center.
Yesterday was hysterical! Peter picked my dad up from the center, and the center staff told Peter how much my dad loved the chair exercises. Even Peter was like..... 'what????!' We all know my dad prefers NO movement and one could classify him as physically lazy. Peter pushed back on the staff person and when she told Peter that my dad said the exercising was "fantastic," Peter translated that to the staff person was fantastic actually means! Fantastic is VERY, VERY sarcastic, and means whatever activity he is doing, he dislikes. We know this because we KNOW the person.
So what may look easy to them, translates down to the simple fact that they aren't investing in my dad, like I do. If they did, then they would understand more of the reality! This situation is not unlike a teacher, dealing with many children in a classroom. The kids who stand out the most are typically the ones who call attention to themselves.
I have told the center that I have seen a significant decline in my dad since he moved to Virginia. They disagreed with me! Which only irritated me further! Today for example, I took my parents out to lunch. On Thursdays, we go to the same place and dine with the same server every week. When we got home and I helped my dad to his chair, his first question to me was..... when are we going out to eat?! I literally lost it, as it is an hour round trip drive for me to the restaurant, and then we sit and eat for about 2.5 to 3 hours. This is a significant amount of time I devote to eating. Mostly because this is the one activity my parents like to do and it gets them out of the house. I am frustrated that my dad couldn't remember anything that we had immediately just done! He has no understanding of whether he has eatten, whether he is hungry, or if he has to go to the bathroom.
On any given day, I feel like I am caring for a big 87 year old child. The only issue of course is there is no growth and development from week to week, just decline. It is a very sad commentary what has happened to my dad and mom, because in all reality they are no longer the parents I once knew.
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