Tonight's picture was taken in September of 2008. Mattie was in his first month of treatment and our neighbor gifted Mattie, Dandy Dog. Dandy Dog was a hand designed bear, that my neighbor had made for Mattie. Mattie thought this was the neatest gift, because the bear was his size. Mattie was trying to show the camera what he looked like side by side to Dandy Dog. This weekend, I face the 15th anniversary of Mattie's death and it is hard to wrap my head around the fact that Mattie was been gone much longer than he was alive. Yet in his seven years on this earth, he taught me so much and his presence will never be forgotten.
Quote of the day: A broken heart is just the growing pains necessary so that you can love more completely when the real thing comes along. ~ J.S.B. Morse
I saw tonight's quote and my immediate and sincere reaction is I DON'T agree at all! Our hearts can feel broken over many things. I know because my heart certainly has had lots of experience being hurt. However, the death of Mattie and the end of my marriage provide me with NO growing pains! Rather just devastation! These pains were NOT necessary in my life and I assure you, the real thing will never come along. Especially since I believed I had the REAL THING to begin with. I won't allow "the real thing" to occur in the future. I know my heart. I lost Mattie, and he wasn't replaceable. I feel the same way about my marriage. I may become divorced, but in my mind and heart the 36 years I had with my husband (the person I considered my other half) is a pain and loss that is so intense it's indescribable. It has left me with so many questions about trust, love, and commitment, that I will not subject myself to another long term relationship ever again. I do not know why trite statements and platitudes are dished out when someone is in pain. It certainly doesn't help the recipient, and I would say it actually compounds the pain.
Given that Sunday marks the 15th anniversary of Mattie's death, I wanted to post another classic Mattie video. We took him to Butterfly World in Florida. Watch Mattie interacting with a bird and then how he reacts to a bird flying on top of his head. To me this is priceless!
This weekend, I will be putting ribbons on Mattie's three trees and placing 15 butterfly ornaments on his White Swamp Oak tree.
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