Tonight's picture was taken in September of 2008. That day Mattie received this special gift from my former student and friend, Susan. The gift started as a lump of clay that had plastic dinosaur bones embedded in it. Once he dug through the clay and collected all the bones, he could fit them together to form a dino model! Mattie spent hours sitting onto of a sheet that lined the hospital floor, had goggles on and was picking at the clay to reveal all the bones. It was like a mini-excavation. It was the perfect activity for Mattie. After working on this big dig and assembly, Mattie paused and put his head down. This was when I snapped this photo. It wasn't posed, but rather the reflection of being tired and proud of his accomplishment.
Quote of the day: When love is lost, do not bow your head in sadness; instead, keep your head up high and gaze into heaven, for that is where your broken heart has been sent to heal. ~ Anonymous
This morning, I swear I heard a sound in my ear while I was sleeping. It sounded like a fly buzzing about. When I looked around I saw nothing. So I went back to sleep. But about thirty minutes later it happened again, just when my alarm was set to go off. Either I was imagining there was a fly in my room, or there really was a fly! Nonetheless the sound was very real. When I woke up annoyed, I looked at my phone and received many alerts regarding my dad's accounts. Truly my life is one fire drill after the other. In the past, if I received such alerts, I would have immediately asked Peter for help. Peter was not just my best friend and husband, but he was my go to person. My tech support, my gadget guy, the person who could fix anything, solve all sorts of problems, and overall be there to emotionally support me through the little things and life's crises. It is a huge loss to my life, as if a piece of me has been surgically removed.
After feeding Indie, I literally ran to the computer to see what was recommended to fix this problem. If you haven't heard about this big data breach, here is an article about it. Given the monitoring companies we use, they can tell you where the possible breach is coming from and how to resolve it. Literally at 6:30am, I was learning about freezing credit and so forth. In other words another fire to put out! Once that was addressed, it wasn't like I could take a deep breath and relax. NOT possible in my house, because I had to get it together, so that I accomplish my morning routine and get my dad to his podiatry appointment by 11am. Sounded like this meant I had a lot of time, but it really isn't. I map out my morning to the minute. Having this scare and derailment this morning sent me scrambling.
It was a day of one chore, one bill, one issue after the other. It is 7pm, and I feel like I have gone five rounds. But at the end of the day, I would manage, handle, and cope with just about anything, if I understood what on earth happened to my marriage and the person I have held dear for 36 years. I get very connected to the people I care about and there are moments in my day when I evaluate my life, and truly say, what's the point?! Everything that I believed, valued, and held to be true is no longer my reality and this has left me disillusioned and forever changed.
No comments:
Post a Comment