Tonight's picture was taken in September of 2007. This was a frequent activity Peter and Mattie did together in the spring and fall..... taking a canoe on the Potomac River. Sometimes they went fishing and other times they just went exploring. It gave them father and son time, which I thought was lovely and Mattie was always up for an adventure. Peter learned about fishing from his mom, so he was passing along this family tradition. On some outings I was invited, and though I wasn't into fishing whatsoever, I was always interested in whatever intrigued Mattie. I have to say I learned so much for this little guy, and I carry these lessons with me each and every day.
Quote of the day: I hate you for all the years I’ll have to live without you. How can a heart hurt this much and still go on beating? How can I feel this bad without dying from it? ~ Lisa Kleypas
There wasn't anything specific about today that made it a bad day. It just was! Maybe it is the daily grind, constant tasks, or the dismantling of my marriage. Any one of these is more than enough, but together it is awful. Each day, I wake up and ask myself.... what surprise bill, invoice, or payment is coming my way? Literally this is one area that never disappoints. Today was no different and I am getting to the point that I am afraid to go to the mailbox. It is a terrible way of living and I share all these stresses alone. My dad is completely out of it and my mom can't handle this kind of stress. She couldn't even when she was younger and now, well forget it. So in many ways I have to protect her from the financial balancing act I am juggling each and every month. It wears on me to no end.
I was hoping to get back to my continuing education class today, but wasn't unable to. I started a second six hour training course this week on Dialectic Behavior Therapy. I am loving it and am learning strategies that I can actively apply to my own stress and anxiety. What I LOVE about the professional running the course is she uses many hands on activities throughout the training, which helps participants to apply concepts to our daily lives. I certainly learn better this way and it is amazing how she enables us to learn about other participants, without us ever seeing each other. I think there is a fine art to on-line lecturing and learning and this professional really has it mastered. Her energy is contagious and it is clear she loves what she does. Which makes a six hour training really very manageable. So though I was locked at home all week helping my parents recover from COVID, I tried to use this time very effectively.
Engaging my mind is a wonderful distraction and truly helps pull me out of the heartache I endure each day. When I wasn't in front of the computer, I was outside picking up sticks, weeds, and leaves. I am so thankful for the backyard, because when I become overwrought with emotions and anxiety, I walk and take in the greenery all around me.
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