Saturday, September 21, 2024

Saturday, September 21, 2024

Tonight's picture was taken in September of 2006. Mattie was four years old. By that point Mattie was potty trained, but I would say that was quite a process. I tried everything from reward charts, stickers, and you name it to make Mattie eager to learn. Truly nothing worked. What did? Mattie went to preschool at the age of 3 1/2. He went with pull ups, but within months, he wanted to be like all the other kids. So literally he trained himself, and I followed his lead. This was typical with Mattie. I had to relax and not follow age related milestones, because when Mattie was ready for something, he rose to the occasion every time. Don't you love that John Deere step stool? Mattie and Peter built and painted it together. To this day, this step stool is in my office on display!

Quote of the day: Sometimes, the only soul that can mend a broken heart is the one that broke it. For they are the ones holding all the pieces. ~ Patti Roberts

Yesterday morning, I got up at 5:30am, because I had a HVAC inspection at 8am. In order to make that timing work, it literally required me to get up super early. I have gone from a person who hates the morning, to a person who has to get up very early, each and every day. Any case, I was hoping that yesterday would go smoothly but in typical fashion NOTHING about this house goes as planned. I view it as a big money pit! Naturally several things needed to be fixed yesterday, which meant getting hit with more unexpected bills. I truly hate my existence. Life is one bill, invoice, and task after the other. All faced alone. 

This morning, I woke up and it dawned on me..... September is almost over and I had yet to write a newsletter for Mattie Miracle! Honestly part of me thought..... forget it! I am neither in the mood or up for it. But then my Mattie mom voice took over and said.... are you kidding? Get to the computer and start typing. So after my morning routine, I sat down and began creating visuals and my September message. I am happy to say I accomplished it and it is going out on Monday. 

It has been a week of a lot of cooking. When my parents are sick I tend to make soup! So I started with chicken soup!

Then I moved onto split pea soup. I had a frozen ham bone, that I purchased from the farmer's market over a year ago. When Peter was living with us, I enjoyed going to the farmer's market on Saturdays. Now forget it. Nothing interests me anymore. I function physically, but the person I once was is dead. 

Tonight I made shrimp, jasmine rice and asparagus. Eating with my parents is an experience. My dad eats in minutes, then either jumps up to go to the bathroom, or pushes his plate away and watches us eat. It takes me hours sometimes to cook and he eats in five minutes. That's my dad, while my mom is a broken record of laments. She has no concept, despite telling her, how these laments are emotionally wearing me down. When I need my spouse the most, he is gone. 

Since Mattie died, September has always been a hard month. Now I feel September has two huge traumas.... September 8, the day Mattie died, and September 23, the day Peter left me.