Tonight's picture was taken in January of 2009. Mattie was in between hospital treatments. My parents were visiting, and we took Mattie out to one of his favorite restaurants. This particular restaurant had a miniature train that chugged along above the heads of diners. The train went around the entire restaurant. Mattie absolutely loved when the train was working and naturally I loved watching Mattie taking it all in!
Quote of the day: Grief is the last act of love we can give to those we loved. Where there is deep grief, there was great love. ~ Anonymous
I recently came across a top ten list that suggests ways to cope with grief and loss. For the most part, I am not a list person, but this particular list caught my attention. The first three things on the list were:
- Take a walk everyday
- Record THREE things you did today
- Spend thirty minutes engaged with the world
What I liked about the first three things on the list is that they are doable and have merit. I used to love to walk with my buddy, Sunny. When Sunny died on January 10, 2024, that was the end of my walking. I haven't been on a walk since! Yet walking and physical movement are beneficial not only for one's health, but to manage feelings and emotions. I am ruminating about number one on this list and trying to figure out how I want to re-integrate walking back into my life. Right now, I am just so overwhelmed with one issue and chore after the other, that walking isn't anywhere on my radar scope.
The second item on the list, entails recording three things you do each day. I think is a fabulous idea. Why? Because I think by writing down three things, it is a reminder that we are living and getting things done. The author of this list mentioned that the three things could be big or small. When depressed, just getting out of bed is an enormous task and accomplishment. So what I liked about this particular item is that it applies to all of us in some way. If we are living and breathing, we are doing something that is list worthy.
The third item on the list invites us to engage with the world. This could be active or passive engagement. It doesn't mean you have to leave the house and interact with people, it could be a passive interaction like watching the news for thirty minutes or reading an article. Any activity that gets us to absorb information about the world around us, will enable us to see that while we maybe grieving or traumatized, the world continues to evolve. I understood the author's perspective on this, as he felt it is important for us to understand that our pain is not the only thing happening around us. I have mixed feelings about that notion, because when you are actively coping with grief and trauma, it is natural to shut the world out, because truthfully the only thing you can focus upon and manage is yourself. Taking on more data from the world around us may not necessarily be helpful.
That said, I think engaging in the world in some way is a good thing, it is life affirming, and more importantly it is a "diversion," as I like to call it! Diversions are the only way to survive grief, loss, and trauma. There is NO POSSIBLE WAY to sit in pain 24/7. There have to be moments where we pause, in order to regroup. Such pauses, I call diversions. Diversions can be anything from physical or social activities to tasks. Fortunately with caregiving, I am inundated with diversions, otherwise, given the host of things I am facing now, I am not sure I could emotionally make it through the day!
In light of #2 on the list, the three things I did today that meant something to me are:
- The snow has caused one of my walkway stone pavers to pop up. In popping up, it has prevented my backyard gate from closing. Today, I went outside with tools and was able to lift the heavy paver myself. I moved it enough so that I could get the gate closed. That said, I couldn't get the paver back into place. The cold has impacted the ground and the stone, and therefore, I will need help from our landscaper in the spring to correct this issue, because as it currently is, someone will fall over these stones. Part of me doesn't want to give up on a solution myself, and as it gets warmer, I may go at it again, but today I knew my limits, as the stone is heavy.
- I had several conversations today with my health insurer. Recently I had to purchase a health plan for myself. That may not sound like a big deal, but to me it was, as I have never had to make sure decisions for myself. I figured it out over about a month and today I got my new health card in the mail. Of course that meant establishing a portal account, and that is where I ran into problems. However, I spoke to three tech people, and together we worked it out!
- A friend reached out to me today, and was talking about irritable bowel syndrome. Something I unfortunately know a lot about from my caregiving experience. I sent my friend several ideas on how to manage the disease. I loved her response to me...'What notion you don't know about, a lotion or a potion, for a commotion is as vast as an ocean.' Translating.... she is saying I am resourceful! A compliment, which meant a lot to me!
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