Tonight's picture was taken in September of 2006. Mattie was four years old and fully on! What was Mattie playing with? Patches cat toy! He was trying to inspire Patches to catch the toy mouse that would come out of the round device, when Mattie pressed a button. But here's the funny thing about this whole interchange! Patches was more focused and interested in Mattie! So in essence, Mattie was watching Patches and Patches was watching Mattie. They were transfixed, not moving, and awaiting who would make the first move. I loved watching, observing, and learning from Mattie!
Quote of the day: Do one thing every day that scares you. ~ Eleanor Roosevelt
Of course I do not know the context in which Mrs. Roosevelt stated this quote, but what I imagine she was referring to was the invitation to push ourselves each day to learn, do, or experience something new. Change and new are scary! You do not need to go through a full blown crisis to feel scared. Most of us have a daily routine. Givens in our lives. After all, it is human nature to count on consistency. To have expectations for how things will work, and when things do not go as we hoped, planned, or thought they would, then what? Then what ensues can be scary! Change forces us out of our comfort zone and tests us in ways we did not think was imaginable.
The year that Mattie was enduring cancer treatment, for example, I wasn't just doing one thing a day that was scary, I would say it was minute to minute scary. Constantly on edge, making life and death decisions and hoping that whatever was decided would be the correct decision. That was the extreme of scary. But one doesn't have to live through cancer, to be scared! I found that parenting was a series of challenges, even when Mattie was healthy. For example, when Mattie was three years old, he was diagnosed with sensory integration issues (meaning that Mattie's processed sensory information in a very heightened way.... as he had issues with people coming into his physical space, he had sensitivity to noise, was overwhelmed in crowds, and was irritated by textures of clothing or being touched unexpectedly). These issues were significant enough that I sought the help of an occupational therapist.
Mattie attended occupational therapy twice a week for two years. On an aside, I strongly believe in early intervention..... in Mattie's case, it improved his quality of life. Seeking the help of an occupational therapist pushed me out of my comfort zone. It was hard to admit I needed help, especially when it came to raising Mattie. But pushing through that feeling opened up a whole new world for Mattie and for me. We developed a close bond to this therapist, she worked with both of us each week and taught me strategies to support Mattie. Strategies that worked and bonded us closer together. What would have happened if I did not push myself out of my comfort zone? Well in this case, I think it would have been detrimental for Mattie. By the time Mattie was in kindergarten, his teachers NEVER knew he had sensory integration issues. That was how effective therapy was!
After each occupational therapy session, Mattie's reward, was we would go to the Starbuck's on the corner and he would get a pumpkin muffin and milk. Two of his favorite things. We would go in, sit down, eat muffins, chat, and do puzzles and games together. Why do I bring this up? Because today, while at Starbuck's with my mom, I saw a mom come in with three young children. She was hosting a tutoring/homework session with the girls. Each of the girls got treats and somehow seeing them sitting down, eating, and doing activities with this engaged adult, took me right back in time. Right back to when Mattie was 3 and 4 years old. Ironically though my mom and I go to Starbuck's often, I have never made the connection to the store and Mattie. Not until I saw these girls today. Something about their whole presence jogged my memory. It was like seeing a movie going off in my mind! Reviewing memories can sometimes be scary, they can be emotionally overwhelming, and therefore perhaps it is easier to shelf them!
But like tonight's quote points out, doing something that is scary (within reason), can actually end up being a positive thing. Because I have found evoking and reviewing Mattie's life (though bittersweet as I rather have the boy rather than the memories) keeps him alive in my mind and heart, and in the process, by sharing memories with you, you are also carrying on his beautiful legacy.
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