Friday, January 24, 2025

Friday, January 24, 2025

Tonight's picture was taken in January of 2009. We took Mattie to NY City to begin his experimental treatment. In between treatments, we took Mattie sight seeing. That day's adventure, was going in a water taxi on the Hudson River. Mattie LOVED boats. In fact, if you asked him, he would have told you he was saving money in his piggy bank to purchase a boat! NOT a toy boat, but a real one. Which was why I used to call him, "Captain Mattie!" What is hard to believe is that a week later, US Airways Flight 1549, crashed into the River after hitting a flock of birds. It is truly remarkable and scary that we came so close to witnessing that tragedy. 

Quote of the day: A season of loneliness and isolation is when the caterpillar gets its wings. Remember that next time you feel alone. ~ Mandy Hale 

Our healthcare system is absolutely insufficient to ineffective at managing the needs of older adults. If you doubt what I am saying, just take note at your friend or family member's next hospitalization. Hospitals move quickly, there are a ton of people involved in a patient's care, many of whom don't talk to each other, and therefore the one doing the coordination of care is who???? THE FAMILY MEMBER! No one in the hospital is going to sit down with an older patient and patiently explain issues repeatedly. It actually frightens me to see older adults in the hospital alone.

Tonight at dinner, we were reflecting on the challenges of getting older. My mom was talking about all sorts of options like long term care insurance and so forth! But as I reminded her.... look who is doing the care of her and my dad? It is me. I am NOT unique! There are thousands of family caregivers all over this country, doing exactly what I am doing! Does having long term care insurance help? Sure, it can! But as I reminded her, NO insurance (including Medicare) is going to provide 24/7 caregiving. This is where having a spouse and children are so important. Because at the end of the day, the actual work falls onto the family. 

This of course left me with the sickening feeling that unlike my parents, I will be alone. My small family is no longer and naturally this weighs on my mind. Caregiving isn't for the meek, and no friend is going to take on such an intense role. This isn't to knock friendship, it is simply to acknowledge the incredible commitment, time, and energy needed to provide care. 

When these intense moments of anxiety about the future unfold, I literally have to press a pause button within my mind, otherwise, I would not be able to function and carry on with the multitude of tasks I perform on any given day. 

Just when I was feeling overwhelmed and distraught, I looked outside my office window and saw our outdoor lights on. Do you see the ones by the fireplace? There was a string of outdoor lights that haven't worked for months now! I had my electrician evaluate it in the fall and he told me it would be a big production to try to trace the line in the ground and fix the problem. So I had decided to leave it and have no lights. Tonight, they miraculous went on! What explains this? I am sure there is a logical explanation that perhaps the cold or the snow has activated the lines in some way! However, to me this is a symbolic miracle that when I have lost hope and faith, that even the impossible can somehow be possible. These lights turning on tonight reminded me that there are forces at work that look out for me, and at the center of that force will always be Mattie.