Mattie Miracle Walk 2023 was a $131,249 success!

Mattie Miracle Cancer Foundation Promotional Video

Thank you for keeping Mattie's memory alive!

Dear Mattie Blog Readers,

It means a great deal to us that you take the time to write to us and to share your thoughts, feelings, and reflections on Mattie's battle and death. Your messages are very meaningful to us and help support us through very challenging times. To you we are forever grateful. As my readers know, I promised to write the blog for a year after Mattie's death, which would mean that I could technically stop writing on September 9, 2010. However, at the moment, I feel like our journey with grief still needs to be processed and fortunately I have a willing support network still committed to reading. Therefore, the blog continues on. If I should find the need to stop writing, I assure you I will give you advanced notice. In the mean time, thank you for reading, thank you for having the courage to share this journey with us, and most importantly thank you for keeping Mattie's memory alive.


As Mattie would say, Ooga Booga (meaning, I LOVE YOU)! Vicki and Peter



The Mattie Miracle Cancer Foundation celebrates its 7th anniversary!

The Mattie Miracle Cancer Foundation was created in the honor of Mattie.

We are a 501(c)(3) Public Charity. We are dedicated to increasing childhood cancer awareness, education, advocacy, research and psychosocial support services to children, their families and medical personnel. Children and their families will be supported throughout the cancer treatment journey, to ensure access to quality psychosocial and mental health care, and to enable children to cope with cancer so they can lead happy and productive lives. Please visit the website at: www.mattiemiracle.com and take some time to explore the site.

We have only gotten this far because of people like yourself, who have supported us through thick and thin. So thank you for your continued support and caring, and remember:

.... Let's Make the Miracle Happen and Stomp Out Childhood Cancer!

A Remembrance Video of Mattie

February 14, 2010

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Tonight's picture is one of my all time favorite photos of Mattie and I. It was taken around Valentine's day in 2009 in the Georgetown University Hospital Childlife playroom. Jenny, Jessie, Linda, and a whole bunch of volunteers were working with Mattie that day as he created MANY wonderful valentine's creations for me. One of which is the heart crown I was wearing in the photo. While Mattie was creating these special items (which should be no surprise to some of you, since I am pack rat, I have kept each and every one!) I wasn't allowed in the room. So I was given a break until he was ready for the unveiling of his gifts! Jenny snapped this picture after Mattie gave me all of his gifts. There was a look of satisfaction on his face, and naturally a look of happiness on mine. Somehow Jenny was able to capture that moment in time, and it was such a special feeling that I remember it as if it happened yesterday. I miss my special valentine this year!


Poem of the day: The Empty Bowl by Kim Gosney

The metaphor:
A bowl.
Empty.
Waiting to be filled.
It’s only true contents:
the cool air
that spans the distance between its curved walls.
The light and shadow
that are broken from its shape.
The empty bowl implies
the possibility of being filled.
The hope and belief of being filled.
Nevertheless, it is empty now.
It fits perfectly in the palms of my hands…
as if it were made just for me,
just for this day,
this time.
It is cool to the touch
and light as a feather.
It could break should I hold it too carelessly
or hold it with too much force.
I must hold it with relaxed, yet purposeful hands.
And pay attention.
Maybe it will be filled with manna…
maybe water…
maybe a piece of bread.
It may take time.
I pray not.
I thirst.
I hunger.
I am alone.
I am needy.
My arms tire as if the bowl were heavy -
as if it were made of stone.
My eyes fading.
Yet I am here
with my empty bowl,
and a teaspoon full of faith
in something larger than myself.

We want to wish our readers a very happy Valentine’s Day. Peter and I appreciate your care, concern, and support for us over the past year and a half. I also thank you for the e-mails I have been receiving wishing us a peaceful time away.


We boarded the Caribbean Princess today around 1:30pm. I have been unable to take a picture of the ship yet, but rest assured I will as the week progresses. The ship is HUGE. It has 3100 passengers, and that doesn’t include the 1000 member crew. In essence we are on a floating city, however, the way the ship is designed, you do not get the feeling you are vacationing with this many people.

Peter, my mom, and I headed into Old San Juan this afternoon. This old town is filled with history, beautiful architecture, and naturally a lot of shopping. The streets were filled with people and cars, yet despite that, I migrated through people and pulled out the camera to capture some of the sights and architecture. I attached some of these photos for you to see. While roaming around the town, it was hard to go into stores and NOT think of Mattie. There were stores with toy trucks in it, and naturally stores geared to attract children from the store front window. In a way, shopping is no longer the same for me. When you have been focused on shopping for your child for years, and thinking about finding items your child would like, you not only forget the things that interest you as a parent, but you also realize these things are not as important. The ultimate goal as a parent is to make sure your children are provided for and are happy. So now, I find I am absolutely lost. It is like learning about myself all over again, however, there is one very big problem. I was a parent, have memories of this former life, and greatly miss Mattie. These feelings and thoughts swim around in my head and make happy times sometimes quite difficult.



















As I walk around the cruise ship, I see groups of people, who appear to be happy. Yet, I marvel at this achievement. Mostly because being happy is difficult for me, and instead of looking at activities as fun distractions, they at times can feel like chores. When I find myself in this state, I also see that my energy level declines dramatically. I think what this tells me is trying to vacation while grieving is not an easy task. Thankfully I was wise enough to follow my heart and not do this at Christmas time. This would have been a big mistake, because trying to re-engage in the world after losing your son is virtually impossible. But December would have been way too soon to even attempt this for me.

There are many activities to do on the ship, and tonight we watched a fabulous performer, who had been playing the guitar since he was a child. He plays the flamenco guitar, and is truly gifted as a performer, and can replicate any cultural style of playing this instrument. Initially while watching the show, I hit an emotional low. In my low points, I simply am confused, I see no meaning or direction in life, and worry that I will always feel this way.

We had a nice dinner tonight, and while eating, I became more animated. We made a toast to Mattie, and wished he were here with us. I always wanted to take Mattie on a cruise, and yet never did. I was waiting until he got older, and would appreciate it more. It is my hope that he is sailing with us this week. As we re-boarded the ship this afternoon, there was a beautiful sight. Sun rays shining through the clouds, and it seemed ethereal. My mom suggested that Mattie was looking down on us from heaven, and his happiness was shining through.

We set sail at 11pm. The sail away from San Juan, Puerto Rico, was quite beautiful. There is something quite special about seeing the lights of this historic city as a back drop to our departure. So we are now underway, and I hope that being on the water is therapeutic. I would like to end tonight’s posting with a message from my friend, Charlie. Charlie wrote, "I am sorry you had such a tough time getting to Puerto Rico for your cruise but I hope the weather and the water are conducive to smooth sailing. As I was at practice today, the teacher said, you should meditate every day. If you don't feel like meditating or you feel you are too busy, that's when you need it most. She said, sit and quiet your mind and breathe for five minutes. Everyone can find five minutes in a day to stop and to pay attention to their breathing. I have found this to be true and helpful and when I am most anxious or my mind is running at full tilt so that I cannot quiet it (like late at night), I count breath...breathe in for three, and out for four...then in for four and out for five....until you are comfortably at six and seven...it does help to quiet both the mind and the body. After practicing for some time, the body and mind will recognize the routine and begin to shift with less and less effort. I tell you this so that you can try it if you wish. However, if you do, remember it is practice, not perfection as a goal. There is no right or wrong, just feeling more centered, focused and calm so that even if you cannot sleep, you can rest. As always we dedicate our practice to someone who needs the energy. Mine was sent to you, to help you cope with this first experience of a "family vacation" without Mattie. Let the tears come if they will; there is nothing wrong with crying when you are sad and missing your son. I hope that sights of peace help heal your heart. I hold you gently in my thoughts."

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