Mattie Miracle Walk 2023 was a $131,249 success!

Mattie Miracle Cancer Foundation Promotional Video

Thank you for keeping Mattie's memory alive!

Dear Mattie Blog Readers,

It means a great deal to us that you take the time to write to us and to share your thoughts, feelings, and reflections on Mattie's battle and death. Your messages are very meaningful to us and help support us through very challenging times. To you we are forever grateful. As my readers know, I promised to write the blog for a year after Mattie's death, which would mean that I could technically stop writing on September 9, 2010. However, at the moment, I feel like our journey with grief still needs to be processed and fortunately I have a willing support network still committed to reading. Therefore, the blog continues on. If I should find the need to stop writing, I assure you I will give you advanced notice. In the mean time, thank you for reading, thank you for having the courage to share this journey with us, and most importantly thank you for keeping Mattie's memory alive.


As Mattie would say, Ooga Booga (meaning, I LOVE YOU)! Vicki and Peter



The Mattie Miracle Cancer Foundation celebrates its 7th anniversary!

The Mattie Miracle Cancer Foundation was created in the honor of Mattie.

We are a 501(c)(3) Public Charity. We are dedicated to increasing childhood cancer awareness, education, advocacy, research and psychosocial support services to children, their families and medical personnel. Children and their families will be supported throughout the cancer treatment journey, to ensure access to quality psychosocial and mental health care, and to enable children to cope with cancer so they can lead happy and productive lives. Please visit the website at: www.mattiemiracle.com and take some time to explore the site.

We have only gotten this far because of people like yourself, who have supported us through thick and thin. So thank you for your continued support and caring, and remember:

.... Let's Make the Miracle Happen and Stomp Out Childhood Cancer!

A Remembrance Video of Mattie

November 20, 2010

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Tonight's picture was taken in November of 2007, on the walking bridge to Roosevelt Island. Peter and I went for a walk on the Island today, and while crossing the bridge I recalled all the times we traversed this structure with Mattie. However, crossing the bridge with Mattie usually meant stopping midway, throwing stones into the water to see their rippled effect on the water, and feeding several mallard ducks swimming by. Mattie loved collecting leaves as well, and as you can see in the picture I was carrying one of the huge leaves he found on our walk that day. Mattie, not unlike me, was a collector, and he loved collecting mementos from all of his walking journeys.

Quote of the day: I don't regret the things I've done; I regret the things I didn't do when I had the chance.

Peter sent me this quote this week because he found it very simple and yet powerful. I think as Mattie's parents, it is very easy to regret many things. But one thing I can confidently say is I DO NOT regret "the things I didn't do when I had the chance." As Mattie's mom, if I felt something needed to be done, then I did it. I had this philosophy right from day one when he was born. I did work, and I had a ton of professional and volunteer obligations in my life, but Mattie always came first and other things came second. I rarely went away without Mattie, my free time wasn't spent with friends, it was spent with Mattie, and the list goes on. Our time together was very rich, deep, and concentrated. I am not sure if this was as a result of our bond and relationship together, or if something unexplained in the universe enlightened me early on to the importance of this quality time. Either case, when Peter sent me this quote, I agreed with its sentiment, and also felt no remorse or regret about missed opportunities when Mattie was healthy and well.

I got up this morning, and then jumped right back into bed. Peter observed this, and came over to my side of the bed and basically said..... "what do you want to do today, because you are not spending the day in bed." I smiled, because I hadn't said anything, but he understood immediately what my intentions were. I have been thinking of Roosevelt Island lately, and since the sun was out, I suggested we take a walk there. Peter and I haven't been back to the Island in quite some time, mainly because walking there is very reminiscent of our time with Mattie. Some people are lucky enough to walk down their hallway of their home to see their children, we are not so fortunate. Instead, our connections to Mattie are wrapped up in things and places. Visiting Roosevelt Island today was like a journey of rediscovery. In the sense that we shared and reflected upon memories of Mattie by the water, on the rocks, walking the trails, by the fountains, and on the boardwalk. Peter snapped many pictures today of our day, which I posted below. In many ways, the pictures show some of the wonderful sights that surrounded us.


This is a picture of our 6 foot lemon tree that has been moved from our deck into our living room for the winter. This tree is impressive and a producer. In fact, the tree has so many blossoms on it, that our living room smells like a lemon grove. The smell is intoxicating! I received this gift years ago in the mail from my sister-in-law. It was a birthday gift, and was a tiny little sapling when it arrived. After years of nurturing (thanks to Peter!!!!), this tree is taller and most likely stronger than I am.
This is a close up of some of the lemon blossoms. This tree came from Florida, and in all reality, I feel like its presence is providing us with beautiful greenery to look at this upcoming winter.
About five years ago, Peter and Mattie went out to Home Depot, and came back with this beautiful burning bush. Despite living in the city, we have taken on a portion of our complex's green space and we plant on it. Typically the burning bush is green in the spring and summer, and in the fall it turns this stunning red color. The burning bush has great religious significance, but in my mind when I look at it now, as the holidays are approaching, it is flaming red (Mattie's favorite color) and reminding me of who is missing in our lives.
While taking some pictures at home, we naturally couldn't leave out Patches, our cat. Patches has taken over our couch, specifically my portion of the couch. In fact, I rarely spend time in our living room any more, so when Peter is on the couch, she hops up and keeps him company. She has her own blanket on the couch, and as you can see she is good at making herself right at home.
One of the places we walked to on Roosevelt Island today, is a point where you can walk out to the water. It was low tide, and we literally walked through the mud to get to the water's edge. In the background, you can see some spires, and that is Georgetown University and the Hospital. It seems ironic that we looked at that sight many years while visiting the Island. It is hard to believe that we then landed up having a close up view of Georgetown by living there to fight for Mattie's life.
Peter snapped a picture of this pine tree today. The rust color of its needles was captivating against a very blue sky. This picture speaks FALL to me.
One of my favorite parts of being on Roosevelt Island is its boardwalk. At the end of the boardwalk, you can see a very clear view of the marsh. Peter and I stopped to look at the water, the vegetation around us, and for bird traffic. We were just about to move along on our walk, when something caught my eye and I decided to look up into a tree. When I looked up, here is what I saw. An amazing Great Blue Heron. These birds fascinate me, because they are beautiful and prehistoric looking at the same time. As I said to Peter, it pays to stop, look around, and explore, because with just a quick glance through the area it would have appeared that nothing was there to see. But as we have found, there is ALWAYS something to see on Roosevelt Island.
Along our journey today, I collected three leaves in honor of Mattie. One for Peter, one (the red one) for Mattie, and one for me. They seemed like a beautiful composition, that I know Mattie would have appreciated.
 

Later today, I went to Ann's house, because her daughter was celebrating her 13th birthday. Part of the party entailed a shopping mall scavenger hunt. With almost 16 girls in tow at a busy shopping mall, it was important to have adequate adult supervision. I attended only the hunt portion of the party and decided that I wasn't up to staying for the rest of the party. Ann was aware of my feelings before the party started, and I felt guilty for not staying, but I also am aware and sensitive to the fact that my feelings on a happy occasion should not be the priority. I am not sure why this particular party has set me off this week, since I have been to other parties for Ann's children, but it has. The energy and happiness in the air for this event were almost too much for me to handle and absorb. When I find that I am feeling bitter and upset for someone else's happiness, then I know I need to distance myself from the situation, rather than put myself through this, and potentially upset Ann or anyone else in the process. What it comes down to is Ann and this party represent living, growth, and a future. Whereas, my world feels like the land of the dead, lost, and misunderstood. 

The shopping mall was packed tonight with people, and where I was standing was complete sensory overload. I was standing near an entrance to the mall, and several large teen groups came into the mall tonight. The noise level was over the top, and though I tried to deal with it for a while, I landed up text messaging Ann, and I moved to another location. Thank goodness for cell phones, because while waiting and watching for the girls, I was chatting with Peter, Ann, and Karen all at the same time. I learned the beauty of having a Blackberry in the hospital, because with it, I am never alone. 

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