Tonight's picture was taken in January of 2006. I think the only reason Mattie liked bath time was because each time he went into the tub he took an arm full of toys with him. Practically anything Mattie owned went into the tub not to get washed per se, but to use the item in whatever play scheme he wanted to concoct that day. When Mattie first did this I got upset. To me there were toys that could go in the bathtub and then there were things that shouldn't go in water. But after a while, reality hit and I realized it just did not matter. As long as the items weren't going to hurt Mattie in the water, I felt it was important to nurture his curiosity and determination.
Quote of the day: We must not wish for the disappearance of our troubles but for the grace to transform them. ~ Simone Weil
I was mostly glued in front of my computer all day today working on one of the Foundation think tank documents. Since the think tank is weeks away, it is important to get these materials wrapped up soon. In practically a year's time this amazing group of mental health professionals from around the country, who we have helped to assemble, has generated a first draft of a national psychosocial standard of care for childhood cancer. It is quite remarkable what a group of dedicated individuals can accomplish! It truly sets the tone and creates the motivation necessary to generate such a vital document.
I was in Mattie's room most of the day. My desk is now in his room and it overlooks our garden and complex plaza space. Needless to say I have a bird's eye view of things. I got to see my neighbors today, I watched packs of sparrows eating at our bird feeders, and I even got to see two little boys playing around outside. These two fellows couldn't have been more than 3 years old. Any case, I suspect, when I am not around, or looking through the window, they help themselves to Mattie's sand box, which is outside in the plaza space. Actually all the kids in the complex know to visit Mattie's sandbox. I leave it out in our complex space for two reasons. One of which is it is hard to see it on our deck and the second is I know that if Mattie can't enjoy it, some other child might as well have the opportunity.
Any case, I could tell that these two boys wanted to pop open the frog sandbox lid and jump inside. But the mom told them not to, most likely because she could see me from the window and I guess she figured she did not have my permission to use the sandbox. As I was trying to work and concentrate, I could hear two big meltdowns happening outside. So literally I put my shoes on and went downstairs to talk to their mom. I explained to her that her boys were welcome to use the box and play in it anytime. The boys were thrilled and the crying stopped immediately!!! It turns out that this mom is friends with my friend Christine, and happens to live in our complex. A small world indeed, but this mom knew exactly who I was.
Mattie was actually very territorial about his sandbox. When he was alive, he did not allow just anyone playing in it. So naturally my decision to share the box, may not be quite what Mattie had in mind. In fact, my feelings about this sandbox have changed over time. At each stage of the grieving process, my reaction to seeing children in Mattie's box varies. Keep in mind that many of Mattie's toys and wooden ramps that he made are still inside the box. Needless to say, when I see a child interested in Mattie's box now it reminds me of him and somehow it helps me keep his memory alive.
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