Tonight's picture was taken in February of 2008, basically five months before Mattie was diagnosed with cancer. That afternoon, after school, Charlotte came home with us. This was Charlotte's first visit to our home and as you can see she and Mattie had a great time jumping up and down. I want to point out the kind of character Mattie was. If you look closely at his bed, you will see his mattress covered in a yellow dinosaur fitted sheet. But notice there was something blue on top of it. Mattie insisted one day that we inflate an aerobed mattress. So literally Mattie went through a phase of sleeping on top of two mattresses at night. As my faithful readers know, Mattie and Charlotte met in kindergarten and became instantaneous friends. In fact, Mattie called Charlotte "his girlfriend" and said he was going to marry her. He was so convinced of this that he gave her a plastic ring from a dentist check up. The ring was his version of an "engagement ring." I have to admit this was all very intense for me with a five year old, but I did not fight it. On some level Mattie knew he had to express his true feelings early on in life, because time was not on his side.
Quote of the day: In the sweetness of friendship let there be laughter, and sharing of pleasures. For in the dew of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed. ~ Khalil Gibran
I spent most of the day working by the computer. As my faithful readers know, my desk and office space is now in Mattie's room. I have set up shop right by the window. In the winter, I can watch the birds at our feeders and in the spring and summer, I will be able to see our garden and listen to Mattie's fountains. Fountains which Mattie and Peter made by hand for my birthday in 2008 (days before Mattie's diagnosis!). While working today, two friends passed by and waved hi to me. With that, I opened the window and got to chat for a few minutes before we all froze and had to go back inside. I enjoy my window views and I know friends are getting used to seeing me sitting there.
Like tonight's quote pointed out sharing of laughter and life's simpler pleasures have great merit. This photo of pudding had me laughing and somehow the laughing helped make the day a bit lighter. The irony about all of this is as a grieving parent, I have had to learn (and it has taken me a while) that in the midst of remembering Mattie and living with his loss, that I am also permitted to laugh and experience other things. This is a very hard rude awakening and at times still hard to accept. Because sometimes in laughter or moments of happiness, I feel intense guilt, conflict, and confusion.
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