Tonight's picture was taken in January of 2003. Mattie was nine months old and traveling in his favorite fashion..... on Peter's back. Mattie disliked his stroller and felt it confining, but when in a back pack, up high, he loved it. This photo was taken on Roosevelt Island. A place we visited practically every weekend.
Quote of the day: There is something about words. In expert hands, manipulated deftly, they take you prisoner. Wind themselves around your limbs like spider silk, and when you are so enthralled you cannot move, they pierce your skin, enter your blood, numb your thoughts. Inside you they work their magic. ~ Diane Setterfield
Words most definitely can captivate and inspire, but they can also entrap and deflate our spirit and presence. Funny how a bunch of letters put together can have such a profound impact on our daily lives. On Saturday, Peter took Indie to the vet for her yearly shots. Anyone who has ever had to grab a cat and put it in a cage understands the stress of that activity alone. I can do practically anything with Sunny, but NOT with Indie! The one thing I don't like is catching Indie and putting her in a cage. So when I can schedule her appointments on a weekend, I do. I do because Indie is "Peter's cat!" She truly loves and responds to him.
So back to Saturday. I did not go to the vet with Peter. However, when Peter got home after the appointment, I could sense he wasn't happy. Why? Well I asked!!! The vet introduced herself to him (as she wasn't our usual vet in the practice) and told Peter that she has three children and was THRILLED to get out of the house, away from them, to have a break!!! This is all Peter had to hear! I can't tell you how many times since Mattie died, we have heard parents complaining to us about their children and specifically complaining about the time commitment, the endless chores, and the schedule management.
Depending upon our moods, when we hear this we can do one of two things.... disengage with the person (which is what Peter did with this vet), or give the person a reality check! It is quite humorous to say to someone who lost their only child that you need time away from your children and that they are driving you crazy! Naturally we would like to lash out and say..... do you know how lucky you are to have healthy children and TO HAVE THIS PROBLEM!?????
Clearly this vet did not know who she was talking to, and most likely if she was talking to a fellow parent, the comment would have been acknowledged, appreciated and perhaps even commiserated! Which leads me to what tonight's quote points out.... WORDS! I am not saying we have to walk on eggshells with each other in life, but I think we need to be cognizant that others may have losses in their lives, and given such experiences some words can come off as clueless, mean spirited, and naive. However, with that said, I have HIGHER expectations for those in the helping profession. I expect healthcare professionals (of any kind) and mental health professionals (of any kind) to have a broader lens into the medical travesties of life and therefore act accordingly, with deeper insight. Yet it is me who continues to be disappointed. Sometimes I have it in me to educate some of these professionals and other times, as Peter did, I just let it go.
I would have to say though, shortly after Mattie died, when we heard such comments, it would turn around in our minds and hearts for days. Now we register them, we absorb them, and they still hurt, but we have built up a sort of inner armor so that we are no longer derailed for days.
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