Tonight's picture was taken on October 12, 2003. This was Mattie's first time attending a Fall Festival. This one was held in Leesburg, VA and it had a wonderful petting zoo for young kids. I love this photo I took of Peter introducing Mattie to a goat. Look at his little hand trying to reach out and touch the goat. To me it is priceless. I am so glad we did every fall festival possible with Mattie over the years and got him out and about on the weekends. Exploring and experiencing.
Quote of the day: What you see and what you hear depends a great deal on where you are standing. It also depends on what sort of person you are. ~ C.S. Lewis
Tonight's quote resonates with me. Because to me the quote is talking about perception. I fully admit that in a medical setting, I may see and hear things that the average person doesn't absorb. I am confident in saying that because of living over a year in a hospital caring for Mattie. I learned a great deal and in the process the sheer experience also impacted me emotionally.
Today Peter had his first colonoscopy. For years I heard people talk about how horrible the experience is, especially the prep! They should make a video of Peter doing the prep, because he handled it like it was just an ordinary day. In fact, I think my anxiety about the prep was making Peter edgy, so I had to dial back my commentary until after this was all over. I am thrilled Peter was able to tolerate the prep and come through the process beautifully. However, while waiting for him in the waiting room today, I was beginning to get edgy because the timing was off. I expected to be called back sooner than I was, so naturally my mind wandered. But I was able to get a hold of myself and rationalize that not every procedure lands up like Mattie's.
Fortunately it all turned out great and all the medical staff we interacted with were kind, professional, and super efficient. One of Peter's nurses, Debbie, was a peach. She came out to get me and brought me back to Peter, who was recovering from sedation. She got me a chair and while checking Peter, she apparently was checking me out too. I was too distracted to truly pay attention to her. Until she literally put her face into mine to tell me she loved my skin and wanted to know my secret. Any case we got into talking about our mutual Italian heritage and naturally this started a whole conversation about food! Meanwhile, Peter was being patient, listening, and getting his bearings.
Hearing Peter reflect on being sedated with propofol today was enlightening. I can't tell you how many times Mattie was sedated with propofol to get scans and procedures. Not to mention was given a large dose of it during his dying process. We always saw propofol through Mattie's eyes, but now both of us have experienced it personally. Which enables us to see just how frightening all of this had to be for Mattie. One minute he was up and talking and then next minute he woke up unable to know what happened and where he was.... it was disorienting and also further reminded him of his lack of control.
Needless to say, I get to spend my Halloween with this gastrointestinal team. However, I have already prepared them that I am not as strong as Peter. Smells, tastes, and no solid food for 24 hours are bad combinations for me. They trigger nausea, vomiting and migraines. The perfect trifecta.
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