Tonight's picture was taken in September of 2008. We were home between treatments and Mattie was outside in our commons area of our townhouse with his "girlfriend" Charlotte. As you can see, Mattie grabbed a hold of Charlotte's hair to try to capture her energy and catch up with her. Charlotte and Mattie had a special friendship and no matter how ill Mattie got, Charlotte kept visiting both at home and in the hospital. Now looking back, I believe that Charlotte had an incredible amount of courage and love for Mattie, because it couldn't have been easy at age 6 for her to see a friend so ill, much less having to visit Mattie in a pediatric ICU. I learned a lot from their connection and the power of friendship.
Quote of the day: Today's coronavirus update from Johns Hopkins.
- Number of people diagnosed with the virus: 43,325,319
- Number of people who died from the virus: 694,775
I must admit that with looking for a house during COVID, packing and donating items, and then moving, that I haven't had much energy to focus on anything else. It has been all house 24/7. So much so that I can't catch up on emails and I have lost track of some friends. Not because I am not interested in their lives, it is just because I feel like I am on overload.
Yet two night's ago, I got a phone call on my cell. I could see it was from my childhood cancer friend. She and I met in 2010, while advocating on Capitol Hill together. Like me, she lost a child to cancer. Though she doesn't live right near me, we have gotten together in the past either in Charlottesville, VA or Washington, DC. She and I see eye to eye on a lot of things, particularly regarding grief and trying to survive the loss of a child. But the nice part about this is Peter got along with my friend's husband. They too shared a similar mind set and were able to openly communicate about their losses. That may sound like no big deal, but in all reality it is! Being a bereaved parent doesn't always mean that you will relate 100% to other bereaved parents. Because we share that commonality doesn't mean our thoughts, feelings, and mindset are similar. Which makes finding support as a bereaved parent ten times harder, and why when you find someone who resonates with you, you bond quickly. Well that is how our friend and her husband were with me and Peter.
Any case, on Monday evening, I was exhausted from another full day on the Farm. So when I saw the phone ring, I let it go to voice mail. But I did text my friend saying that I would call her the next day and catch up. I also said that I hoped she and her husband were doing well and managing through COVID. Minutes after sending the text, she called me again. So I knew I had to pick up, as she was trying to tell me something important. To my absolute surprise, she told me that her husband died. He had NO known medical condition, was the picture of health, and was very physically active, as he ran his own farm and was outside and working in all sorts of weather. Our friend died instantly from an aortic aneurysm. I heard what she was saying to me, but I just couldn't process it, and felt overwhelmed for my friend. First losing a daughter, and now her husband. This was not in the plan, it was not how the future was supposed to go.
My friend is coping with this remarkably well, and frankly I am in awe because her husband's death was sudden and with no warning. I think there are many misconceptions in our society, if you lead a "good" life, take care of yourself, and treat others well, etc, then this is the recipe for a long and healthy life. Maybe this misconception is what we tell ourselves, as it helps to give us some sort of power and control over our own lives. Unfortunately this misconception is FALSE, as I know all too well, as people who are good, innocent, and kind (such as Mattie), get very ill and even die. Life is fragile and fleeting and none of us like living with the notion that we are not in control of our destiny. But it is true, we can only control certain aspects of our lives, and the rest is out of our hands.
I have no moral to this story, other than when you don't hear from a friend or family member for a while, do check in. Our lives get busy and we get distracted and focused on other things, but sometimes not hearing from someone means they are more than just distracted by life, they are dealing with a full fledged crisis.
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