Tonight's picture was taken in March of 2005. Mattie was almost three years old and I snapped this photo that day because Mattie and Peter were being goofy together. They were playing with Mattie's plastic food and fruit and as you can see they were trying to scare me with their BUG impressions! Mattie LOVED bugs, most likely because he knew this would get a reaction out of me! He was always successful in that department.
Quote of the day: When things are bad, we take comfort in the thought that they could always get worse. And when they are, we find hope in the thought that things are so bad they have to get better. ~ Malcolm S. Forbes
It was a very busy day for me. Frankly I felt so strung out this morning, I did not know how I kept it together. From the moment my feet hit the floor in the morning, it is like a race. I need to get up to get the animals fed, I have to take a shower and get myself dressed, make breakfast, wake my dad, make their bed and clean my dad's bathroom, and then get him showered and dressed and downstairs for breakfast. Once my dad was downstairs this morning, as soon as I started to eat, he had to go to the bathroom. So I never ate breakfast. I then had to take my dad to his memory care center. I drove him, came back and herded my mom to get her coat on and into the car, so that I could take her to physical therapy.
Of course while trying to leave the house, I was also balancing laundry, dishes, and the cat vomiting all over the staircase. I was literally screaming from the stress of juggling so much. Naturally once in the car, we ran into terrible traffic. Which meant we were going to be late to therapy by at least 20 minutes. So I called the clinic to alert the therapist. Truly all day I have felt like I am on a never ending treadmill.
For this past week while Peter has been away, all I have heard from my dad is.... when is Peter coming home? My dad is very fixated on Peter, most times I deal with it, but the non-stop questioning about Peter has gotten to me. So my joke now with my dad is that.......... 'maybe I should go away for a week and leave you with Peter. Then perhaps you will have some idea for all I do each day.'
The average sane person would have a hard time balancing what I do each day for two people. I wouldn't wish it on Peter, and yet, you would think my dad would be more focused on me, the person who provides all his care. NOPE. Of course when my dad was in his right mind, he always credited Peter for the Foundation being successful. In his mind it was Peter who provided the leadership and raised the funds. I am not sure if it is a generational thing or what, but as you can imagine that feedback never sat well with me. Now even with dementia, my dad's focus remains on Peter, but you would think by now I would be used to this.
I have found with dementia, there are peaks and valleys to its trajectory. Right now we are plummeting into another valley, as I see my dad is more exhausted, can't do his 15 minute daily walk routine, seems zoned out and tracks no conversation, prefers to sleep, his appetite has decreased, and his night time routine is over the top. Last night, the nanny camera found him sitting on the toilet for an hour and thirty minutes. I can't possibly watch my dad 24 hours a day, but the camera is giving me further insight and so far it confirms that he hasn't wandered beyond the bathroom at night.
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