Monday, July 24, 2023Tonight's picture was taken in July of 2008. It was a few days after Mattie was diagnosed with cancer. Frankly Peter and I were so much in shock and living with heightened anxiety and fear, that I don't know how we functioned. I remember that first month after diagnosis, as I was wired and I couldn't fall asleep. The day captured in this photo, we took Mattie to Roosevelt Island. It was a place we went to escape the city, and be surrounded by nature and peace. Ironically, we visited this Island in good times and bad, and in both cases, it helped to ground us. In tow with us was Mattie's battery powered remote control boat. Mattie got to sail it on the Potomac River. An activity I wouldn't have done prior to his cancer diagnosis (because the River is a mucky mess). But with cancer, everything changed..... my outlook and perspective on life, the world around me, and people.
Quote of the day: As someone who has lived the nightmare of losing a child, I know that the enormous hole left behind remains forever. ~ Arthur Honegger
I have no particular reason to feel blah today, other than I just do. Despite how I am feeling, it truly doesn't matter, as I have constant chores, care, and tasks to perform each and every day. My dad's memory decline and level of exhaustion are depressing, and he continues to get bitten by mosquitos. Which requires significant time and attention on my behalf, as his dementia leaves him fixated on scratching and causing infections. If I was just managing my dad that would be hard enough, but my mom is also a bundle. She repeats the same stories over and over, and some days I can manage it and others it is more challenging. She is amazed by so many people who have survived and overcome different sorts of tragedies. Ironically I don't appear to be one of these amazing people, which is interesting to me.
The highlight of my day is receiving several birthday cards. I tie my birthday with Mattie's diagnosis. As he was diagnosed on July 23, and my birthday is two days later. To me these dates will be forever intertwined.
Peter surprised me with a bundt cake today! Needless to say, after I serve dinner, I am giving everyone a piece to end off the meal on a sweet note.
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