Tonight's picture was taken in January of 2009. Mattie was in New York City, in order to start his experimental treatment. When we checked into the hotel, Mattie's child life specialist back in Washington, DC sent a care package. Filled with all sorts of items to keep Mattie busy. It was such a thoughtful and meaningful gift, and it reminded us of the caring and loving team we had back home. I will never forget these incredible women and how much they assisted Mattie and me. On an aside, do you see the fleecy blanket near Mattie? Well toward the end of Sunny's days with us, I pulled out this blanket for him. He absolutely loved it and I believe that Mattie was guiding Sunny to heaven.
Quote of the day: I thank the Lord that there is one thing in this world that money can’t buy, and that is the wag of a dog’s tail. ~ Josh Billings
I still come downstairs in the morning and look for Sunny, I still get confused when cooking, because I don't have a pal to cook extra for, and most of all, I miss my Sunny hugs, our deep stares into each other's eyes, and the love that only Sunny freely gave me.
This morning after getting my dad to his memory care center and helping my mom process more health insurance paperwork, I sat down and contacted Cigna. Cigna is my health insurer. Though it is January and my Prolia injection for bone density has to be administered in the spring, I know from previous experiences that I have to start the process early because between insurance and my dysfunctional doctor's office, it can take months for me to get the drug. I wasn't sure how the call with Cigna was going to go, but my representative's name was "Happy." She said she tried to live up to her name. She did! Honestly talking to her today was like receiving a gift. Imagine a customer service rep who actually listens, wants to help and is pro-active at solving the problem. Literally after explaining the process I needed to follow, she put me on hold and spoke to my doctor's office. Happy confirmed to me that this is where the problem lies, not with my insurer. My doctor's office even gave Cigna a hard time. In any case, Happy told me the difference between a medical benefit and a pharmaceutical benefit and the process I needed to follow to get the medication as a medical benefit.
But here's the kicker. My doctor's office will not order me the drug as a medical benefit. They have given me some sort of convoluted explanation that prevents them from doing so. They are willing to order and administer the drug to me in their office, but it would be billed as a pharmaceutical benefit and I assure you the drug is expensive this way (close to $2,000). I have paid it in the past, but I want to see if it is more economical as a medical benefit. In order to bill it as a medical benefit, they have to send the script order over to an infusion center. I would have to get the injection at this center rather than the doctor's office. I will try it, but overall I like to stay away from infusion centers. One of the many types of drugs administered at these centers is chemotherapy. As strange as it sounds, the impact of Mattie's diagnosis will always be with me and being around these types of infusions sets me off. But of course my doctor's office could care less!
This evening, I met with my therapist. One of the things I shared with her were excerpts from this blog. I have been writing for 15 years, DAILY! I have NEVER missed a day. Writing for me is therapeutic. Remember I started writing under the worst of circumstances (Mattie undergoing cancer treatment). In a way writing is a passive process, because I am expressing myself, but there is NO response, no cross talk, and typically little feedback. But that is okay, that doesn't stop me from writing. In any case, I wanted to share with the therapist some of my thoughts and feelings. After I read a few submissions, I could see she was visually moved. She literally said to me.... "you are a beautiful writer!" AHHHH, how nice to hear. When I was a teenager, I remember my English teacher told me often.... "you are a writer!" I loved Mrs. Van Epps, who unfortunately died in TWA flight 800. I will never forget learning she was on that flight, because this teacher has a profound impact on my life. She gave me the confidence to express myself in word! I am quite certain, more than ever, that I do have a book within me and perhaps that should be what motivates me now to keep living and moving forward.
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