Sunday, February 11, 2024

Sunday, February 11, 2024

Tonight's picture was taken on Valentine's Day of 2009, my last February 14th with Mattie. That day Mattie and his art therapists spent hours in the child life playroom creating! I wasn't allowed into the room until Mattie's projects were done. When I was invited in, Mattie surprised me with a Valentine's day box filled with cards, hearts, and unique creations. Mattie also made me a crown of paper hearts that was placed on my head. I will never forget that moment in time! So many of these special creations I turned into a collage (MANY YEARS LATER) right before we moved into our house in 2021. This collage hangs in my office and I see it daily. 

The collage in the lower shadow box was what I created for the many wonderful artistic items in my Valentine's box. The collage above it were items Mattie created in preschool! He was prolific and I cherish these items. 

Quote of the day: Pets are humanizing. They remind us we have an obligation and responsibility to preserve and nurture and care for all life. ~ James Cromwell

Sunny and me at Great Falls. Sunny absolutely LOVED his walks and outdoor adventures. I miss my walking buddy and since Sunny has died, I haven't walked outside at all. I have no interest what so ever. 

To my surprise, I received about 20 notecards in the mail yesterday. These cards were designed by Kim Richards, the local artist I had hired to generate four large paintings for our family room. The painting were going to capture the beauty of our property, the house, and of course Sunny. Given what has occurred in my life, I have put this project on a permanent hold. I can't tell you how this saddens me because this was something I was enjoying. I loved watching the compositions unfold, discussing changes and colors with Kim, and was looking forward to actively creating family heirlooms and memories. 

When I saw the scene on this card, all I could think of was life was so much better at that point in time. Similarly, when Mattie was diagnosed with cancer, I learned how profoundly one's life can change on a dime. Life is fragile and so much of our destiny is really out of our control. We can look for explanations, for causes, and try to bargain with God. But at the end of the day, things happen that I can't understand, that I can't wrap my head or heart around, and this quandary of not knowing, can generate great anxiety and depression. It can also be all consuming if you don't keep it in check. 

Sunday is the only morning I can sleep passed 6:15am. I truly did not want to get out of bed today. At 9am, I was almost finished getting dressed and my mom came flying into my bedroom in a panic. She was in a panic, as I learned, because she did not hear me. So she deemed that something was very wrong with me. Her panic, caused a panic within me, and these days, I don't need much to set me off. Later in the day, I took my parents to brunch. This is our one meal a week that we enjoy, and that I don't cook. While eating a song came on in the restaurant. Whenever I hear it, it stops me in my tracks. The song is, Have a Bad Day. 

Literally when I hear this song, all I can think of.... I didn't just have a bad day, I have had a bad life. What I particularly love about this video occurs toward the end, with a drawing of a woman sitting on a bench. I absolutely love how the two individuals who draw on it are building upon the story. This the beauty of human relationships. We all come to things with a different lens, and to me nothing says that louder than watching the drawing in this video. Through this drawing, feelings and emotions are conveyed that actually bring happiness and a new outlook and perspective to the other recipient. We as humans have the ability to help one another and I have found that the greatest joy in life comes from the power of that connection.