Tonight's picture was taken in December of 2002. It was Mattie's first Christmas and it was an exciting time in our lives. Becoming a parent was a huge responsibility and there were NO HOW TO manuals to be a good parent! We had no family locally and I look my role very seriously. Mattie was born on and he challenged me to always think outside the box. As I always say, Mattie was my greatest teacher. Looking back on this moment in time, I may have felt stressed and anxious because I wanted to do a good job, but it truly was the happiest time in our lives, and we didn't even know it!
Quote of the day: When you fully trust a person for life, you get one of two results. You either get a person for life or a lesson for life. ~ Unknown
I saw this quote tonight and it immediately jumped off the page at me. Mainly because it is spot on. I trusted Peter and I thought given our decades together, I had a husband for life. The resulting feeling of this broken trust is betrayal and violation. Yes I feel violated. Not physically, but emotionally. My friend in England (who I met in an on-line support group) and I write to each other daily. We have been doing this for close to a year. My friend was telling me a story today about another woman facing similar issues as us. This woman has decided she can't take the pain anymore and is looking into physician assisted suicide. I was deeply, deeply sorry to hear this news. This may sound extreme, and you maybe asking yourself, where is her support system? But having a bird's eye view into a similar nightmare, I can understand how the deception, gaslighting, and cruelty absorbed over a significant period of time can play games with your head. It can impact how you feel about yourself, your identify, your trust in your own instincts, and most definitely it changes your future. The hope you once had is gone. The question is how do you rebuild? Do you want to rebuild? These are questions that no one can answer for us, and the typical support that may work for other issues in life, really doesn't work for this one.
After dropping my dad off at his memory care center, I ran some chores, and then came home to work on more Foundation tasks. On top of that, I dealt with several of my parent's doctors (either issues with their portals, billing, etc!). Later in the day, I took my mom out for tea. While out, I got a message from my plumber... yes we are buddies, and he let me know that his baby was just diagnosed with an orthopedic issue that requires extensive surgery and long term rehab. Naturally he and his wife are stunned and devastated. I empathized and tried to put this into context for him. As long as modern medicine can address an issue and there is a medical plan.... then it is a blessing. Since Mattie was diagnosed with cancer and has died, I do find that people come to me when in a crisis. Not that I have solutions, but I have empathy and perspective. The many lessons I learned from Mattie.
No comments:
Post a Comment