Mattie Miracle Walk 2023 was a $131,249 success!

Mattie Miracle Cancer Foundation Promotional Video

Thank you for keeping Mattie's memory alive!

Dear Mattie Blog Readers,

It means a great deal to us that you take the time to write to us and to share your thoughts, feelings, and reflections on Mattie's battle and death. Your messages are very meaningful to us and help support us through very challenging times. To you we are forever grateful. As my readers know, I promised to write the blog for a year after Mattie's death, which would mean that I could technically stop writing on September 9, 2010. However, at the moment, I feel like our journey with grief still needs to be processed and fortunately I have a willing support network still committed to reading. Therefore, the blog continues on. If I should find the need to stop writing, I assure you I will give you advanced notice. In the mean time, thank you for reading, thank you for having the courage to share this journey with us, and most importantly thank you for keeping Mattie's memory alive.


As Mattie would say, Ooga Booga (meaning, I LOVE YOU)! Vicki and Peter



The Mattie Miracle Cancer Foundation celebrates its 7th anniversary!

The Mattie Miracle Cancer Foundation was created in the honor of Mattie.

We are a 501(c)(3) Public Charity. We are dedicated to increasing childhood cancer awareness, education, advocacy, research and psychosocial support services to children, their families and medical personnel. Children and their families will be supported throughout the cancer treatment journey, to ensure access to quality psychosocial and mental health care, and to enable children to cope with cancer so they can lead happy and productive lives. Please visit the website at: www.mattiemiracle.com and take some time to explore the site.

We have only gotten this far because of people like yourself, who have supported us through thick and thin. So thank you for your continued support and caring, and remember:

.... Let's Make the Miracle Happen and Stomp Out Childhood Cancer!

A Remembrance Video of Mattie

August 5, 2010

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Thursday, August 5, 2010 -- A year ago today our world changed forever!

Tonight's picture was taken on August 5, 2009. A day Peter and I will never forget. In fact this picture speaks a thousand words! On that day we learned that Mattie's cancer spread with a vengeance, through his lungs, liver, and stomach. Thereby making Mattie's condition terminal. In this picture, Peter and I had just come back from talking with Dr. Shad about this news. We were stunned, and when we walked into clinic, Mattie was anxiously awaiting our return. Fortunately Jenny and Jessie (his art therapists), and Kathleen (one of Mattie's incredible HEM/ONC nurses) helped to entertain him while we were in a doctor's meeting. As you can see, each face in this picture was telling a different story. I looked shell shocked, Peter was desperately trying to engage Mattie, and Mattie was clearly staring at us to determine what on earth was going on! Kathleen (the nurse in the lower left hand corner) was intact, as all our nurses were until the end. However, on the day that Mattie died, everyone was in tears, and it only confirmed that our Georgetown professionals became a part of our family during this treatment ordeal.

Poem of the day: Living with Grief by Charlie Brown

I knew grief would hurt
And it would cause me pain,
But I did not realize
It was such a drain.
I have no energy
And very little joy,
All of that seemed
To depart with our boy.
Getting out of bed
Can be such a task,
Sometimes it seems
Just too much to ask.
Like pretending all's well
When I am so sad inside,
I wear a happy mask
It's the way that I hide.
So when I'm with friends
I'd like to be,
Just who I am
Can you still accept me?

Charlie's poem, living with grief, seems quite appropriate tonight. It is appropriate for two reasons. The first is that today marks the one year anniversary that we found out Mattie's cancer was terminal. This is another day, I shall never forget or the feelings this day produced and continues to produce. Second, on days or weeks like this one, when I try to understand why I am feeling SO physically awful, I stop and reflect at all Peter and I lived through. Upon reflection, it is almost incredible that we survived to tell Mattie's story, and just when I wonder what is wrong with me, I remind myself, I AM..... LIVING WITH GRIEF!

The beauty of the blog, is that we have been recording each day of our lives for the last two years! That alone is a feat, but what is more amazing to me, is that our supporters continue to check in with us, read each day, and want to help and try to understand our situation. Today, I went back to what I wrote on August 5, 2009. The first paragraph of the blog that night read, "Tonight, I write with a heavy heart to let you know that Mattie's fight is coming to an end. We learned today, after I insisted on an ultrasound and an abdominal CT scan, that Mattie's cancer has spread back to his lungs, as well as his liver and stomach. It is everywhere! This is a fast moving disease in Mattie, because you will remember he had a sternotomy in June, and every known osteo lung tumor was removed at that point. Almost two months later, there are tumors everywhere."

Reading the above paragraph makes me pause, and I ask myself how can life ever be the same for Peter and I? The simple answer is.... IT CAN'T!

I went to the mall with my parents today, despite feeling ill. As we walked through some parts of the mall, my mom and I both became quiet and upset. These were spots that reminded us of Mattie. There are three places in particular that get us: 1) is the children's section of Nordstrom's, 2) Gymboree, and 3) the Lego store. In fact, as we walked passed the Lego store today, all I could see was smiling children and children running around inside. Unfortunately this is not how I recall the Lego store. For me, when I look into the Lego store, I see Mattie in a wheelchair, and the need to find something, anything that was new and stimulating for his head and hands. In fact, the yellow glow of the store's paint is etched into my mind, in a similar way like how the sun's rays affects one's eyes.

While at lunch with my parents today, I couldn't help but watch two moms attempting to have lunch together. Each mom had three children in tow, so with a total of six children, this lunch meeting became a major balancing act. The boys were running in circles around their table, and the girls were sitting quietly and playing with each other. I couldn't help but laugh, because this was definitely my experience with raising Mattie. He was a boy in perpetual motion. Part of me felt for these moms who were desperately trying to have a conversation, and yet on the other hand, I was worried for these children who were running wild in a very public area, right by the entrance door to the mall. Mind you I am talking about very young children too! Though I was eating lunch, I had my eye out for these children. Naturally they aren't my responsibility, and yet, maybe because the moms seemed so distracted, I found myself reacting to their behavior. I even had my parents watching this scene through the restaurant's window. The fun part was when we then tried to determine which children belonged to which mom. To me this was a simple exercise. One of the mom's was literally dressed in the color orange from head to toe, and guess what color her children were wearing? Clearly this was the orange family! Matching up the children to their mom's correctly brought a great chuckle to me today. You can chalk up my silliness to not feeling well.

Tonight we all went out to dinner together, and went to Mattie's favorite restaurant. He loved this restaurant because of the pond and the fish by the entrance. We talked about my parent's trip, which they are embarking on tomorrow, and naturally a whole bunch of other things. When we got home tonight, Peter alerted me that our Washington Post article was also in the Boston Globe today. I attached the link below.

Son’s death to cancer powers parents to help other families By Rick Rojas

Washington Post / August 5, 2010
 
http://www.boston.com/news/health/articles/2010/08/05/sons_death_to_cancer_powers_parents_to_help_other_families/


I would like to end tonight's posting with a message from my friend, Charlie. Charlie wrote, "I am sorry that yesterday started out such a tough day but I am glad your parents arrived and helped you cope with the rest of the day. Sometimes getting started seems to be the toughest part; once you are doing something, you can almost put yourself on automatic and keep going. I am sure you have a lot of catching up to do; even if you were still making calls back and forth, being with someone in person is always special. I know your parents miss seeing you so much and it's great that things worked out so that they could be with you for a few days. As Nancy said, it was great to "hear" Peter's voice on the blog and I hope he found it helpful to do; I know the audience was both receptive and sympathetic. As always I hold you both gently in my thoughts."

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