Tonight's picture was taken in September of 2005. Mattie was three years old and doing one of the things he loved doing.... building! Mattie gravitated to Legos very early in life and I can't tell you how many things he and Peter built together over those 7 years. When Mattie was alive, our home was filled with boxes, blocks, toy cars, trains, and you name it! It was a very hard adjustment going from such life and activity, to nothing. In fact, it took Peter and me years to adjust to this unexpected change in our home environment. So much so that it wasn't until around year five, after Mattie's death, that I began evaluating things around us at home and either donated them or packed them up.
Quote of the day: Today's coronavirus update from Johns Hopkins.
- number of people diagnosed with the virus: 7,020,967
- number of people who died from the virus: 203,481
Meanwhile, I spent a good portion of the day tuned into educational videos and trainings in order to renew my mental health license this December. I will be doing this for the next couple of months. Between conferences being canceled and my two trips to Los Angeles, I lost focus on my continuing education requirements.
One of the trainings today involved counseling clients who are suicidal. It was informative and certainly interesting to hear about the tasks therapists should be cognizant of when working with clients. Such as the importance of developing rapport and working collaboratively with the client. Within the training series, was an interview with the therapist and a client who was actually suicidal. The interview was supposed to model for the audience the tasks and content the therapist had just lectured us on. Needless to say, I found I learned a lot, and I reminded myself once again, that I do love learning and exploring new ways of thinking.
So that was a plus, but on the other hand, I couldn't help but put myself in the client's shoes. The woman being interviewed had recently got divorced because her husband abandoned her and their 6-year-old daughter. In the process he spent down whatever money they had, so the family was bankrupt. The therapist did a good job building rapport with this woman, but then he seemed to forget his human side and jumped into what I call "the researcher/educator." He told her that it is known that people can be very down and depressed, but then all of a sudden BOUNCE out of it. I listened to him and I wanted to throttle him, so I think he should consider himself lucky that this client was kinder than me. She did however correct him and told him that made NO sense.
Why am I writing about this? I guess it reminded me of my experience with grief and loss. After Mattie died, every one wanted me to go for counseling. One friend basically said I needed to be "fixed." I tried ONE support group session, and I never went back again. In fact, one negative experience can cloud the whole process. If we feel that others don't understand us, or we are being judged, or compared.... then shut down happens. I do think understanding the research on loss, grief, depression (pick a topic) is crucial for effective therapy, but I also know that in some cases you only get ONE chance to build a connection with someone who needs help. A connection can't be made when you lecture someone on the research or how other's with similar circumstances typically feel or think.
I have my education, I do my continuing education, but I also have my life experiences. Experiencing childhood cancer with Mattie and then his death, have given me personal insights into trauma, loss, and depression that in many cases far exceed what someone could possibly infuse into my head. What would have happened years ago if the first grief support group session I attended was helpful? I don't know, I will never know. But to this day, I can still remember that horrible session, and the anger I felt about it. Basically the tasks this therapist talked about today in the training.... rapport and collaboration, were not felt in that grief session back in 2009, and therefore myself, Peter, and the other parents in the group NEVER returned.
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