A Remembrance Video of Mattie

Thank you for keeping Mattie's memory alive!

Dear Mattie Blog Readers,

It means a great deal to me that you take the time to write and to share your thoughts, feelings, and reflections on Mattie's battle and death. Your messages are very meaningful and help support me through very challenging times. I am forever grateful. As my readers know, I promised to write the blog for a year after Mattie's death, which would mean that I could technically have stopped writing on September 9, 2010. However, like my journey with grief there is so much that still needs to be processed and fortunately I have a willing support network still committed to reading. Therefore, the blog continues on. If I should find the need to stop writing, I assure you I will give you advanced notice. In the mean time, thank you for reading, thank you for having the courage to share this journey with me, and most importantly thank you for keeping Mattie's memory alive.


As Mattie would say, Ooga Booga (meaning, I LOVE YOU)! Vicki



August 13, 2021

Friday, August 13, 2021

Friday, August 13, 2021

Tonight's picture was taken on August 6, 2008. Mattie was on a stretcher, being rolled to an MRI. In tow were Linda, his child life specialist, and Debbi, his sedation nurse. It was thanks to these two women that all subsequent scans were done sedated. Mattie's doctor did not believe me when I reported  how frightened he was going for a CT or MRI. So thankfully one day, Linda and Debbi got to observe Mattie trying to get a scan done without sedation. It was horrific to watch. Mattie was kicking, screaming, and crying. He even hid under the scan machine. Unfortunately radiology techs have NO patience and therefore we missed our allotted time to get the scan done. Of course any delays of any kind, prevent treatment from happening. So we really needed a more humane solution and thankfully Debbi had it for us. Scans during cancer treatment occur often, it isn't a one time deal, so Debbi became an important part of our treatment team. 


Quote of the day: Today's coronavirus update from Johns Hopkins.

  • Number of people diagnosed with the virus: 36,414,121
  • Number of people who died from the virus: 619,809


Since April, I have had Friday conference calls with a research team I am working with in order to submit a government grant. The grant proposal is due on August 18th. For five months I have been part of the process of brainstorming ideas, to putting something on paper, inviting two other non-profits to join in our project, and seeing this 15 page proposal come to fruition. It is a remarkable team and I am honored they consider me part of the team. It is my hope that this innovative research project gets funded in order to help implement the Psychosocial Standards of Care into practice. The unique part of this grant is a couple of things.... it will be capturing the family voice as well as the voice of diverse family caregivers. 

Ironically I have worked with several members of this research team before, but to them I am just an advocate. Not that anything is wrong with that, but I do have skills. This project enables people to see that I do have a solid understanding of concepts, research, and writing. I think it is always interesting when people see you in another light. Which reminds me not to judge a book by its cover. 

I left Peter home today, given that he wasn't feeling well at all yesterday. He is slowly on the mend, but running to the house wouldn't have helped him. In addition, the electricians are still at the house and they shut the power all day. I worked at the house outside in 100 degree weather. After about four hours of that, I had to come home. Thank goodness we decided to upgrade the electricity, because in the process, we found out the entire house was poorly wired. Wired, NOT by an electrician! Wonderful, and the number one cause of a house fire. So we are fixing this issue and in the process, I need to get a structural engineer to evaluate a beam before the wall can be sealed by up. Things never end on the Farm!

Meanwhile, the stairs and banister received their first of three oil coats today. Can you already see that the stair stain color matches the stain in the living room!? It's a glorious sight, despite the fact that the stairs are oak and the living room is maple. 

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