Tonight's picture was taken in March of 2007. Seeing this photo reminds me that March is indeed a changeable month. It can still snow and on that day in 2007, it did. Of course Mattie couldn't resist. He went outside on our deck and created snow castles. A typical signature move of Mattie's was to add something from nature to the top of his sand or snow castles! In addition to a stick collection, we also had a rock collection going, as Mattie was into collecting all sorts of found objects.
Quote of the day: The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain. ~ Dolly Parton
After almost two years of documenting COVID numbers, I have decided to return to my nightly quotes instead. Mattie's blog captures his journey, our journey with grief, our Foundation's activities, and also what is impacting our daily lives. Which is why I highlighted COVID numbers for the past two years. It documents a moment in our history.
As many of my blog readers know, my friend Karen came down from NYC to visit last week. She left on Saturday and by early Monday morning (yesterday) went to the emergency room with an issue that is not COVID related. In any case, as I am hearing about her hospital experience and admission to a hospital unit, it reminded me of our days, months, and over a year of living in a hospital with Mattie. I still don't know how we survived this.
I am not sure why hospitals make you feel like you are entering a foreign country, but they do. What I mean about this is hospitals have their very own culture. Their own hierarchy and flow to how things work. Or DON'T work! One thing that is for certain is staying in a hospital ensures you won't get rest or a minute's peace. It's almost impossible to sleep with all the bells, whistles, and beeping of machines. Issues coming from other rooms, and of course the non-stop entering and exiting of hospital personnel through one's hospital room door. It is truly remarkable. I remember even putting up a big STOP sign in front of Mattie's door, but believe it or not, that didn't stop people from coming in. Forget about knocking..... they just walked in! It never ceased to amaze me.
In addition to not having any peace, there is also what I call "hospital time." Hospitals work on their own time schedule, not the patient's! Patients have questions and concerns, but forget about getting immediate answers. Instead, we are at the mercy of doctors and their rounds!
I always find it interesting hearing about a hospital experience through the eyes of someone else! Because it reminds me once again what is wrong with the system! If you are hospitalized for a long period of time like we were, you begin to blend into the dysfunctional system! You learn about hospital time, about living on little to no sleep, having access to non-nutritious or unappetizing food, and of course medical-ese! What do I mean by this? Medical-ese are medical terms and issues coming at you at a rapid fire pace from healthcare providers. I honestly wonder do doctors really think we all understand what they are saying to us, especially when we are fragile and not feeling well?
The only thing I can say about living in a hospital for 14 months, is that I understand the system! I also understand how to work around the system, what words to use, who to use them with, and so forth. It is like I went through an educational or training program, but unfortunately at the end of my 14 months I did not get a certificate or degree..... instead, I live with the grief and long term consequences of Mattie's death.
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