Tonight's picture was taken in November of 2002. Mattie was 7 months old and even back then he loved book time. He was fascinated by the pictures, sitting on my lap, and having a story told to him. I am not saying he understood anything, but it was a wonderful way for us to bond and learn about each other.
Quote of the day: Deep grief sometimes is almost like a specific location, a coordinate on a map of time. When you are standing in that forest of sorrow, you cannot imagine that you could ever find your way to a better place. But if someone can assure you that they themselves have stood in that same place, and now have moved on, sometimes this will bring hope. ~ Elizabeth Gilbert
I have to say that I have taken tired to a new level. It is hard enough managing my caregiver routine, but in addition for a week, I have stayed up late in order to have quiet time to concentrate and work on continuing education credits for my licensure renewal. One could say.... can't you work on that by day? The answer is a big NO! My parents are constantly interrupting me and it makes it very difficult for me to get anything meaningful done. That said, I am proud of myself, because in one week's time I have completed 18 hours of education. I want to get 12 more hours done. The only way I can manage this huge task is to break it down and not look at the big picture. I set goals that I want to achieve and I push myself to make it happen. Fortunately I am a disciplined person, who also can function without a lot of sleep. But tonight I am having a hard time keeping my head up.
I felt like I was on a treadmill today. I got my dad showered, dressed, and downstairs for breakfast. I then dropped him off at his memory care center. I then drove back home and picked up my mom to take her to her physical therapy appointment. After therapy, I came home and folded and put away the laundry and unloaded the dishwasher. Then we got back into the car and picked up my dad, in order to head to Rockville, MD for a late lunch. My dad loves going out to eat! In fact, the first question he asks me in the morning is... are we going out to eat?! He truly doesn't understand that going out to eat isn't always an option because if I do this on a daily basis, we won't be eating with Peter for dinner. As Peter can't just up and leave by day to go out to a restaurant.
Meanwhile I am keeping a close eye on my dad. I do think he seems to be coming out of his Ritalin stupor, but his chronic exhaustion is truly hard to manage. When I picked him up from his memory care center, we asked him what he did today. I have given him a small notebook and pen for his shirt pocket as he wants to take notes. But frankly I don't think he really even knows what to write down. Normally I make light of the fact that he has NO idea what he did in the four hours he was at the center, but today I am VERY tired, so my patience and understanding were low. Instead of working to try to remember, he instead tells me that I am pestering him. He refuses to think, to use the strategies we learned in speech therapy, and instead would rather be a potted plant. Again, not my finest hour today, but I let him have it. I told him I am up until 2am working, and all I ask for him to do is record one activity and he can't even do that!
I think we have all read about people with dementia/Alzheimer's but having to live with someone with moderate stage dementia is truly problematic. It takes great inner strength, patience, and courage to face my daily routine without cracking up. Today, I am just worn out and hoping tomorrow will be a better day. However, I am not holding my breath as I have taking both of my parents to my dentist in the city tomorrow for their first cleaning and check up on the East coast. Any time the city is involved, parking is always awful and I can't just lay by and let me parents off, as they both need assistance, so I am hoping the parking fairy is on my side.
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