Tuesday, November 15, 2022

Tuesday, November 15, 2022 -- Mattie died 685 weeks ago today. 

Tonight's picture was taken on November 12, 2008, the day before Peter's birthday. We were with Mattie in the pre-op area, as he was headed into a 14 hour long limb salvaging surgery. A surgery that would remove bones in his right leg, left arm and left wrist. It was a ridiculous hour of the morning, but fortunately we advocated for Mattie to be admitted to the hospital the day before. Otherwise, trying to get into the hospital at that hour would be stress beyond belief. Because every admission required new paperwork. Regardless of the fact that we were frequent flyers, coming in and out, for months by that point in time. I remember how stressed out we were that day and the fact that Mattie could smile was truly heroic. 

Quote of the day: Life seems sometimes like nothing more than a series of losses, from beginning to end. That's the given. How you respond to those losses, what you make of what's left, that's the part you have to make up as you go. ~ Katharine Weber

It was a day when my dad had nothing scheduled, no memory care program and no physical therapy. These days are rare. Therefore, I thought I would have some time to work on Foundation tasks. Forget it. I got derailed on scheduling my mom's physical therapy appointments for January, working with her doctor on getting a script for blood work and the list went on. Honestly it is very frustrating. When I finally found a rhyme of getting some work done, I had to stop because my mom wanted to go out for tea and a snack and she wanted me to take my dad along. Traveling anywhere with my dad is a show. It requires a tote bag filled with items to change him and his chair pad. Certainly I would not mind schlepping all of this stuff if I got the feeling this was good stimulation for him and he was enjoying what we are doing. He says his favorite thing is "being together." But wherever I take him, his head is usually down, eyes closed, and he is disengaged from the moment and conversation. This is actually very depressing day in and out. 

This afternoon, Peter mentioned Mattie's model magic birthday cake to me. Peter wanted to know where it was! I literally stopped in my tracks? WHAT DO YOU MEAN WHERE IS IT? In my mind, it has been in Peter's office all this time. I know I saw it in there at some point. Make a long story short, I went room to room in the house and I CAN'T find Mattie's cake. That may not sound like a big deal, but to me it is like having an emotional crisis. I wanted to literally start screaming. But who is going to listen to me?! My parents were waiting to go out, so I had to put my internal meltdown somewhere to address their needs. I have no clue as to where Mattie's cake is! This cake was moved to this house from Washington, DC and it was on display for months. Who would take the cake? It has NO monetary value, only sentimental. I am  hoping the cake fairy visits us to help us get this special memento back or at least reveal where it maybe hiding.