Wednesday, November 23, 2022

Wednesday, November 23, 2022

Tonight's picture was taken in November of 2003. Mattie was a  year and a half old and that evening we were dancing in the kitchen. I am so glad that Peter captured this moment in time. Doesn't Mattie look like he was having a ball?

Quote of the day: Mostly it is loss which teaches us about the worth of things. ~  Schopenhauer

Last night, after I put my dad to bed and my mom went upstairs for the night, I forced myself to sit at the computer and begin this two day course I signed up for. As you can see it is entitled, Evidence Based Strategies for Helping Clients Make Meaning After Loss. I need to complete 40 hours (every two years) of continuing education to maintain my professional license. Truly at this point in time, focusing, sitting still, and learning are all hard for me. Especially when I have had a very full day. Nonetheless, I am trying to pull it together. 

I was able to focus for about one hour and 15 minutes last night. I felt proud of myself for doing this and several things struck me about the webinar. One of which is I am not wild about the presenter. I appreciate she has a sense of humor, but her laughter makes my head spin. Putting that aside, she mentioned the term "assumed familiarity." We all operate under this assumption at any given hour of the day. It is a natural way, I believe, our brain compensate.... the brain looks for the familiar, for patterns and then we automatically make determinations, without thinking sometimes. She gave the example of participants walking into a conference room. There are certain givens and expectations we have as participants, based on previous experiences. Similar is true when we think about death. 

We all have assumed familiarity about death, in the sense that we like to think that death only happens to people who are older, or who are not in good health. We also operate on the notion that children will grow up and live long happy lives. Both are assumptions and as we know, neither are always true. Yet our assumed familiarity with death can get in the way of our grief story. What I have come away with after only an hour is the goal on moving forward with the grieving process means two things, one that we can experience emotions (both positive and negative) and two we can re-regulate ourselves (meaning we can find ways to cope and manage the chaos of grief). Sounds simple, but it isn't, and it takes a lot of work to get to this point. 

The other thing she talked about that caught my attention was the history of grief. Starting with Freud, who coined the term "grief work." However, Freud believed that to cope with grief meant to detach from the deceased. In order to reinvest in a "new object." I can see why his framework is not stand up to the test of time, as grief work today is the exact opposite. It involves finding a way to live with the memory of the deceased and integrate that memory into one's everyday life. I can only imagine if I lived in the early 1900's and was dealing with the loss of Mattie, Freud would most definitely would have thought I was pathological. 

Though it is just the three of us for Thanksgiving, we did buy a turkey. It is my first turkey ever purchased from a farmer's market. I have struck up a connection with the owner of  Ward's Family Farm. We visit Angela every Saturday at our local farmer's market. She raises chicken, pigs, and turkeys. Her meats are always fantastic and when I took this bird out of its packaging today, it was the cleanest thing I have ever seen. Usually I spend a lot of time cleaning out feathers, fat, and other stuff from a store bought turkey. I have also learned recently that many people do not like turkey. They think it is too dry. I really believe it is how the turkey is cooked. If cooked properly, it is usually great. 

While listening to the radio this morning, I heard a representative from a major turkey company talking about prepping the bird. She said.... do not wash it. In fact she also said that it needs nothing other than salt and pepper before roasting. I don't share her philosophy what so ever. I have always washed the turkey and marinaded it the night before in orange marmalade, lemon zest and lemon juice. The next day, I combine orange juice and maple syrup and pour it all over the turkey, while it roasts. It guarantees NO DRY turkey!

I also assembled the stuffing. It is made with sourdough bread, dried cherries (you can use cranberries too), apples, onions, celery, and fresh parsley. Not to mention butter, white wine, and chicken stock! 

I picked my dad up from the memory center today and we all went out to eat. I am thrilled that Clyde's is featuring coq au vin. It was delicious! 

Given yesterday's doctor appointment, we decided to up my dad's Ritalin dosage. He takes it twice a day now, rather than once. Today was his first double dose. I gave my dad his second dosage right before lunch. What a huge difference. As you can see, he was alert and he was also chatty. A night and day difference from yesterday when he only took Ritalin once that day. Typically by 3pm, my dad is exhausted, his head is hanging low, and he can hardly keep his eyes open. I am hoping today is a trend.