Tonight's picture was taken in June of 2008. Mattie was six years old and it was his kindergarten's end of the year party. I remember it distinctly as it was held at a local park and I volunteered to work at the event. I tried to always get involved if the opportunity presented itself! Thank goodness that I did because I was able to capture this wonderful photo of Mattie with Charlotte and Cooper, his two close friends! What most people did not realize was prior to coming to kindergarten Mattie and I worked hard together at speech and occupational therapy. Early interventions worked so well that by that point in time, no one would have known about any of Mattie's sensory issues.
Quote of the day: It is only in our darkest hours that we may discover the true strength of the brilliant light within ourselves that can never, ever, be dimmed. ~ Doe Zantamata
It was an interesting physical therapy session with my mom this morning. I would say she started it off rather edgy and then had a mini meltdown. The therapist requested that my mom work on her sit to stand exercises. Basically getting up and down from a chair without using one's hands to push off. This is an exercise my mom truly hates. Every session, when doing this exercise, my mom describes it as 'torture.' My mom will then get very frustrated, agitated, and I thought today she was going to completely shut down. Of course me and the therapist noticed this extreme behavior. In addition, it is very evident to me, that my mom has a significant memory issue.
Example, last week we noticed she was getting a facial rash. I suspected it was caused from a statin drug she just started. So when I consulted with the doctor, he suggested that we stop the medication for two weeks to see if we noticed a difference. In any case, despite stopping the medication, my mom requests her statin pill. Last night, I reminded her that we have stopped this medication for two weeks. Unfortunately that did not trigger her memory. So I asked her.... do you know why we stopped this medication? Her answer was 'NO!' Therefore, I reminded her about the rash. This is just a very small example to my daily issues and concerns I have about my mom.
But what gets me in particular is my mom's total lack of insight about her issues, and refuses to listen to reason. After my dad was hospitalized twice in 2020, their family doctor asked me..... didn't your mom see how sick your dad was? That he lost thirty pounds without trying? Of course the answer is NO, she did not realize it because her perception of people and situations are dramatically altered. I assure you it is a hard reality for me to accept, but given that I am responsible for both of my parents, I am a realist.
At today's therapy session, my mom basically told the therapist that she hates Virginia, doesn't like our weather, and life was more fun in Los Angeles. My mom wants to go back and I wish I could make that happen, but given my dad's decline and her own, it just isn't possible! I couldn't possibly put her on a plane and have her navigate to a hotel, make plans, and be able to care for herself. Those days are gone. She doesn't accept that, but I must. Any case, hearing this constant lament about wanting to live in LA makes me upset, especially since I have given up my life in order for my parents to have one.
After the therapy session, I confronted my mom about her meltdown in the session and about the reality of her behavior and physical issues. I don't care what medical testing indicates, I am quite certain my mom has a neurologic issue. It impacts her memory, her behavior, her balance, and her posture. So one has to ask..... will physical therapy make any difference, given that I suspect she has a chronic and progressive issue? I don't know the answer.
What I do know is that my mom's physical therapist sent me a private email today about my mom. She is very aware of my mom's memory loss. It shows up in spades during therapy because my mom can't remember most of the guidance and exercises the therapist gives her. The therapist suggested that my mom may want to start speech therapy, to help with memory strategies. But the therapist is sensitive about this issue as she knows how upset and defensive my mom can get. At the end of the day, I suspect this memory issue will be the number one reason why my mom won't qualify for more physical therapy. I saw this happen with my dad's case, but unlike my dad, my mom likes being physically active. Therefore, I am hoping that I can convince the therapist to work with my mom for as long as possible. Needless to say, lots of things are spinning around in my head tonight.
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