Tonight's picture was taken in June of 2007. We were in Pennsylvania that weekend and while driving around, we noticed this round rainbow thing in the middle of a field. Literally there wasn't a soul around! We weren't looking for this, we just saw it and we were intrigued. So we parked the car and went out to inspect it! It turned out to be an in-ground trampoline. Peter and Mattie had a great time running around and jumping! It was such a wonderful stop and completely unplanned! Somehow the spontaneous nature of this makes it very memorable to me.
Quote of the day: Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul – and sings the tunes without the words – and never stops at all. ~ Emily Dickinson
It is funny, two friends and contributors to Mattie Miracle wrote to me this week and asked how I liked our trip to Portland, Oregon. I literally had to pause because I had no idea what they were talking about. Then I realized, Peter must have posted photos from his business trip on Facebook. People naturally assumed that we were traveling together, as this is something we used to do in the past.
I would have to say that caregiving for a loved one or in my case, two, is very socially isolating. Since I have experienced intense caregiving for a child and now for my parents, I am having all sorts of revelations.
Today was an absolute whirlwind, because I had to take my dad to his memory care center and herd my mom out of the house in order to get to her salon appointment in the city on time. Though I got up at 6am, I still got to the salon late. Every aspect of my life is stressed. This is what I literally did from 6am until I left the house at 9:40am:
- got up,
- fed Indie,
- gave Sunny his chemo, pills, and food,
- got myself showered and dressed,
- then went downstairs to make an afternoon snack for my mom, as well as made breakfast,
- then cleaned out Indie's litter box
- vacuumed on the first floor, cleaned kitchen counters, and mopped the tiles on the first floor
- went back upstairs and woke up my dad
- made my parent's bed
- got my dad in the shower, then got him dressed (which is a production, as he provides no help in the process), and downstairs for breakfast
- threw out trash and started laundry
- while trying to eat my own breakfast, my dad had to go to the bathroom. Another production,
- cleaned up breakfast dishes
- got my parents into the car
In the midst of driving around, my mom constantly mentions that she misses driving and wants to drive. Yesterday she suggested that she drive my dad to appointments. If you watched my mom walk or reason through certain things, you would understand immediately why I took her driving privileges away. I feel strongly about this as I have a responsibility to keep her safe as well as the public. Though I wish she could drive, entertain herself, and be independent. Those days are long gone. I notice my mom NO LONGER reads books either. She won't admit it, but I know her memory issues make it difficult to track a chapter book! If my mom isn't pining about driving, then she is upset she can't bicycle ride. She wants a bicycle. Again, when she surfaced this today, I told her she needs to master the art of walking first. I have discussed this with her physical therapist, and she agrees, NO bicycle riding!
So in addition to intense tasks, there is also a deep and wearing emotional toll to caregiving for two people with dementia. I serve so many roles for them and one of them requires me saying NO, to stop and question their decisions, and of course with my mom this triggers an immediate argument. Though Mattie had cancer and we were living through that hellish journey, in many ways, there were aspects of Mattie's care that were easier to cope with than what I am facing now. I think that speaks volumes about my current situation.
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