Tonight's picture was taken in September of 2008. Mattie was in his second month of treatment. That day, his technology teacher from school came by and gave Mattie a laptop. I imagine all the children that year received one and therefore she wanted Mattie to be just like the other kids. Mary was an amazing and kind teacher. She visited Mattie on a regular basis and taught him technology skills while also trying to engage and play with him. Mattie responded very well to Mary and when they were together, I would try to go into the hallway for an hour to get a reprieve from the 2x4 of a hospital room.
Quote of the day: Just as it is impossible to explain childbirth to a woman who has never given birth, it is impossible to explain child loss to a person who has never lost a child. ~ Lynda Cheldelin Fell
I went to the shopping mall with Peter this morning, so we could walk and talk. Ironically there doesn't seem to be anywhere in my own home where I can sit down, talk, and relax without being disturbed. Therefore, I am trying to find outlets now, to leave the house and connect with people. I got to hear about the trip Peter was on over the last two days. Peter had the opportunity to take part in a taping of a commercial for an adult cancer patient receiving oral chemotherapy. The process sounded fascinating but the part I wanted to highlight here was the simple fact that Peter, the patient, and her family were able to connect almost immediately. I attribute this gift to Mattie, as Mattie was our greatest teacher in life. I truly believe that experiencing Mattie's cancer enables us to speak a language that only those dealing with life threatening illnesses can understand.
There is something to be said about the lived experience. I remember when I was in graduate school or teaching counseling to students, my philosophy was that a therapist did not have to experience the exact same problem a client is coping with in order to be able to help the client. I am not sure I share this same philosophy now. As I could try to describe Mattie's journey and Mattie's loss from my perspective, but I am not sure it can be truly processed and understood without having a personal lens into the depths of this loss.
It was another red letter day for Vicki. I took my parents out for lunch, as I do every Saturday. Between my dad's dementia and irritable bowel syndrome, I think some days I could lose my mind. I try to keep patient, but no meal is ever pleasant (whether home or out). Soon after eating his entree, I could see my dad's face. He was grimacing. I know that sign well, but he doesn't! So I got him up to go to the bathroom. Unfortunately I was too late. When I tell you there was urine and poop everywhere I am not kidding. I had to clean myself, him, the toilet, the bathroom floor, etc! Truly it can be nauseating and the disaster unfolds so quickly that I don't have time to get gloves on to manage all of this. Of course while this is happening, my dad has NO concept of what is going on around him and unless I direct his every move, he would be covered in poop. Truly it is a horrific scene and no amount of scrubbing of my hands will remove this smell. Thankfully for my dad, I travel with a big tote bag, that has a change of clothes, which was greatly needed today. All I can say is there is a special place for me!
My mom is on this kick that she wants to travel and get away from our usual routine. I hear what she is saying and if I could make this happen I would. But then I have a day like today, and it further reinforces why their days of traveling maybe non-existent. So many reasons why traveling would be complicated.... my dad's dementia decline, his irritable bowel syndrome, his level of daily exhaustion, my mom's issues with walking and balance, the fact that she tires easily and the list goes on and ON and ON!
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