Thursday, September 7, 2023
Tonight's picture was taken on October 10, 2009, at Mattie's celebration of life event. Though Mattie died on September 8th of 2009, it took us about a month to pull ourselves together, along with plan an event to acknowledge the beautiful life of Mattie Brown. Thankfully we had a lot of help from our community. In this photo you see a red balloon release done by many of Mattie's friends and classmates. Remember they were only 7 years old, and it was hard for an adult to understand the fact that Mattie died. It was even harder for the children. Many of my graduate school students got together and put together memory making activities for the children, such as painting a stone and this balloon release. Each balloon had a message attached to it. I will never forget this image.
Quote of the day: His death brings a new experience to my life — that of a wound that will not heal. ~ Ernst Jünger
Tomorrow marks the 14th anniversary of Mattie's death. It is a day that will be forever ingrained in me. Mattie's death was harrowing, as it was many hours of suffering, excruciating pain, an inability to breathe, and the hospital room looked like a war zone. They couldn't give Mattie enough IV pain meds, so much so that literally his bed was strewn with syringes. When I tell you it was horrific, I am not exaggerating. In the end, Mattie received a lethal dose of propofol, to end his suffering. This dose was immediately followed by the heart wrenching flat line sound on his monitor. The horrors were compounded one right after the other. I have not been to war or been on a battlefield. I don't like making comparisons, but I do view our life in the hospital that year as being our own private war and on September 8, 2009, we left the hospital at TWO, though we had entered its doors a week before as THREE.
These butterfly gifts were birthday presents to me. I received them today as a belated present. Ironically this gift has an even greater impact on me today, than it would have in July. Mattie is my butterfly, and whenever I see one of these flutterbys in nature, I feel it is a visit and message meant just for me.
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