Monday, March 18, 2024Tonight's picture was taken in March of 2009. I will never forget this day. Mattie had a bone scan at the hospital. His scans were always lengthy in time. Try two hours or more. In order to do this test, Mattie could not eat anything from midnight on. In order to make it through the scan, we had to provide him with incentives. As soon as most of the scan was done, the tech allowed Mattie to eat his frosted donut (one of his favorite treats while on chemotherapy!). This particular scan took forever because the tech was seeing all sorts of things lighting up on the screen! Which could indicate disease progression. The tech and radiologist were in constant communication and finally the radiologist had to call Mattie's surgeon to discuss what he was seeing. I honestly did not think I was going to make it that day. However, what they concluded was the scan was picking up on all the metals in Mattie's prosthetics. Until I heard that conclusion, my heart was ready to jump out of my chest from stress and anxiety.
Quote of the day: The dog is the most faithful of animals and would be much esteemed were it not so common. Our Lord God has made His greatest gifts the commonest. ~ Martin Luther
This photo was taken on the first day we brought Sunny to our home. We decided to take him for a walk. As you can see, Sunny wasn't exactly a happy camper. Who could have blamed him as he had gone through a lot in a matter of weeks, from being transported from South Carolina, then being fostered by another family, and then finally adopted by us. Also note that when we adopted Sunny, he was heartworm positive, which meant I had to take him for two toxic infusions, and there was a big recovery time. All I can say is that Sunny and I went through a lot together, and it was worth every minute!
Today I drove to the city, as my mom and I both had hair appointments. I literally only cut my hair twice a year. Frankly I am in such a state now, that I don't have the patience to be dealing with my hair. I have been going to the same hairstylist since I was in my twenties. In a way, I feel like I have grown up with her. I know her family and she knows about my life. I am so stressed out and anxious these days that sitting still for two hours was very difficult. Truthfully at one point, I could feel a panic attack coming over me. But I managed through it.
One of the topics we discussed today in the salon was caregiving. This is something my hairdresser knows all too well. We both know about supporting children with special needs and older adults. All I can say is caregiving is not for the meek. It has been another challenging day for me emotionally and I would like to have one day where I am not facing extreme stress, anxiety, and anger. Such a day would be a gift, but I am afraid my future is just more of the same. With no real joy, happiness, stability, or love.
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