Friday, April 26, 2024

Friday, April 26, 2024

Tonight's picture was taken in April of 2006. Mattie was four years old. That day I took him to the Reston Zoo. It was one of our favorite places to visit together. It was a small zoo, had lots of hands on activities, and it usually wasn't crowded. Mattie absolutely loved feeding the goats and sheep! I of course loved all the adventures. 

Quote of the day: One often calms one's grief by recounting it. ~ Pierre Corneille

Despite reminding my mom numerous times about her physical therapy session at 10am, I could tell she wasn't processing what I was saying. Before taking my dad to his memory care center, I decided I better go back upstairs and make sure she knew her appointment was going to start in twenty minutes. Luckily I went upstairs, because she was dressed in pajamas and had no recollection about the appointment. My mom needs a lot of assistance with logistics, most tasks, and she prefers to hold onto me when walking. Yet if you ask her, she will say she is self sufficient and has many interests. Unfortunately she is stuck in 2018, pre-COVID, when she was more independent. She laments about leaving California, but in all reality, her existence since 2020, looks pretty much the same as it does now. In other words, very different from her former life. So it is a total lack of insight, which makes her dangerous. 

My mom and I met up with my friend Junko at lunch time. I met Junko in 2007. Our sons were enrolled in the same summer camp. Mattie "graduated" from his preschool and he was accepted into a different school to start kindergarten. Mattie was like me, we both dislike change. Leaving behind his preschool, was scary to Mattie. In order to help him transition, I enrolled Mattie in the summer camp organized by his new school. I figured Mattie would meet some classmates before the school year started. 

The first day of camp was a disaster. So much so that Mattie did not want to return the next day. The next morning, I held Mattie's hand and despite the camp director's rule (no parents allowed in the gym), I marched myself right into the gym with Mattie. I assessed what was going on and how the children were paired off. Most of the kids had already established their cliches. However, I saw a little boy standing alone. I brought Mattie over to this child and asked him his name. He told me his name was, Kazu. I then introduced Kazu to Mattie. I asked Kazu if he knew anyone else in the gym and he said no. I told him that Mattie knew no one either. Therefore, wouldn't it be a good idea to stick together? They both agreed, and that was the beginning of their special friendship. 

It was during that summer camp, that I got to meet Kazu's grandmother. Having grown up in a multi-generational household, I loved that Kazu also lived with his grandmother. I then of course met Kazu's mom, Junko. In fact, when Mattie was in kindergarten his school held chapel every Tuesday. Families were invited each week to take part in the experience. Faithfully I attended every Tuesday as did Junko. Junko and I sat together each Tuesday and over time got to know one another. Our bond only got stronger when Mattie was diagnosed with cancer and she visited me regularly in the hospital. All of Mattie's nurses knew Junko, because of her extraordinary efforts.... bringing me lunch, treats and giving me a back massage. Back then, as like now, life was filled with intense stress, constant anxiety, and feeling uncertain about my existence. Therefore, the kindness and compassion of a massage, will never be forgotten. I couldn't leave the hospital for a minute, so instead, Junko brought the massage to me!

Junko gave me this beautiful butterfly card today. I love these pop up cards, and I have them on display in my office. Sitting for a few hours with my mom and I, is no easy task. My mom has the need to talk and talk, to be heard, and repeats herself over and over. Her record has been playing the same song for the last seven months, and it is wearing. I am already struggling with my marital separation, but my mom's commentary only adds fuel to my fire. Chances are if you sit with us for any period of time, you will see my frustration build with my mom. It isn't like I hear her commentary once and she moves on. NO! She is like a broken record and I am inflicted with her feelings and thoughts every twenty minutes. So if I am feeling low, she will bring me down even further. 

Junko did not skip a beat. She was able to sit in it with us and enabled both of us to be heard and supported. As I tell Junko often, our boys brought us together, and she is the gift Mattie left behind for me.