Tonight's picture was taken on April 4, 2009. It was Mattie's 7th birthday, and we celebrated it at the hospital. Mattie was very excited because several friends were coming after school to celebrate. To get ready for the party, Mattie spent hours decorating the child life playroom. Pictured with Mattie, is Brandon. Brandon and Mattie were diagnosed around the same time. Though there was a ten year difference between these boys, they got along beautifully. Brandon was a wonderful friend and companion to Mattie and Mattie truly trusted him. Brandon came to the birthday party and assisted with activities and helped Mattie interact with his friends. I can't emphasize how crucial a role Brandon played, because by this point in Mattie's treatment, he felt different and he knew he was different. That difference could cause and wreak havoc in friendships. I learned a lot about friendship from watching Mattie and Brandon.
Quote of the day: Near this spot are deposited the remains of one who possessed beauty without vanity, strength without insolence, courage without ferocity, and all the virtues of man, without his vices. ~ Lord Byron
When I arrived at the dentist office, my hygienist, Annie, came out soon there after to greet me. She gave me a big hug! She knows what I am balancing and she also cares for my parents. On my dental visits, she turns down the lights in the room, she puts on the Rat Pack (which I love to listen to), she has a diffuser going, which reminds me of a spa, and props me up with pillows. Some people go to the spa, I go to the dentist. Since my parents moved in with me in December of 2021, I would say that was the beginning of when, I lost the ability for anyone to take care of me.
In many ways I am a private island, meeting peoples' constant needs, demands, listening to problems, laments, and struggles. I have become the jack of all trades and like a sponge, I absorb everyone's woes. I assure you it is a very difficult existence living this way, knowing that no one is looking out for me. But instead, if something happens to me, this whole equation collapses.
It is funny, when we went out to brunch yesterday, our server, Cheryl (who we see every Sunday) was commenting on Easter. She is the one who encouraged me to dine out rather than cook. What she said yesterday caught my attention. She said that I am constantly meeting everyone else's needs, that cooking a big dinner, hosting it, and cleaning up from it, would be just too much for me right now. It is fascinating how astute a comment that was. In so many ways, Easter came and went, and my life remains the same.
While leaving Starbuck's with my mom today, to pick up my dad, two young women were in the parking lot. They called us over. They told us we couldn't miss the opportunity to see the eclipse. She literally gave us turns using her special glasses. I have to admit it was a remarkable vision. But what was more amazing to me was the kindness of these two young women. They did not need to stop us, and they did not need to share their glasses. They wanted us to share in this moment together and to me that maybe as memorable as the eclipse itself.
When I picked my dad up at the memory care center, he was very bothered about a participant in the program. So angry, that he said if he was twenty years younger, he would have put this person in his place. This anger continued into our dinner tonight. For 40 minutes, YES 40, he told and retold the story of this classmate he deemed as rude. The classmate sat in front of the big TV screen in the classroom, while a staff member was presenting and showing video clips. My dad couldn't understand why this participant was sitting in front of the screen, and staring back at the rest of the class. Blocking my dad's view. My dad truly was bothered and innerved by this, so much so, that he spoke to the staff member after the presentation about this participant.
What my dad can't understand is that everyone in the program has dementia. That some participants have behavioral issues associated with the disease. No matter how we tried to explain that he needed to have more patience and tolerance, that this classmate wasn't trying to be rude or disrespectful, the more my dad kept digging his heels in about this issue. Truthfully we were going in circles over this dialogue. I suppose I should be grateful he was animated rather than sleeping in his plate, but the fact that he couldn't see beyond his own thoughts and feelings was noteworthy. He was stuck, not unlike a needle on a record.
At the end of this 40 minute dialogue, we commended my dad for telling the staff person about his concerns and not acting out or trying to resolve or make the issue worse. We celebrate the small wins in my house.
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