Tonight's picture was taken in May of 2009. I will never forget this exact moment in time. It was the end of the Mattie March, held at Mattie's school. It was a very energizing, meaningful, and engaging event. But by the end, Mattie was tired. Pictured by his side was his best preschool friend, Zachary. Zachary stayed with Mattie throughout the entire event. Prior to Mattie's diagnosis, both Mattie and Zachary did a lot of physical play... running, climbing, and jumping. However, once Mattie was diagnosed and had his surgeries, this type of play wasn't possible. This could have set off most kids, but not Zachary. I will always be amazed at how Zachary shifted and accommodated to Mattie's needs and abilities. It was so noteworthy, that I can recall it now like it were yesterday. They had a special friendship and connection.
Quote of the day: Absence is a house so vast that inside you will pass through its walls and hang pictures on the air. ~ Pablo Neruda
Today was Mattie Miracle's 15th anniversary walk. I would have to say that I miss the energy of a live event, but I am so grateful that our Walk has been virtual since 2020. If I did not convert the event during COVID, I would have a HUGE problem now. There is NO POSSIBLE way I could manage a live event and caregive around the clock. It just isn't possible. As it is, I thought I was going to lose my mind this morning. For some reason, I did not calculate the timing of my morning routine correctly. I truly needed to get up earlier, so that I could do my usual chores, get my dad washed, dressed and downstairs. But that is not how it played out today. Maybe because I am EXHAUSTED.
When the Walk started at 10am, I was receiving photos from supporters and felt like I need to be glued to the computer. Yet I could hear my mom going at it with my dad upstairs and frankly she doesn't know his morning routine or even how to do it. So I had to stop what I was doing and address what was going on upstairs. Which meant I was away from the computer for 30 minutes. I could feel my stress level go up, but then I said to myself.... I am ONE PERSON. I can just do so much and I will get to photos and walk correspondence when I return to the computer.
I am a bundle of stress and anxiety these days and in addition to that, I would say today was a day filled with heartache. It is a devastating feeling to know that I was hosting a Walk without Peter. No matter how I look at this situation, I don't understand it and because my brain has no previous data or experience like this to pull from, I literally feel like I am walking on fire most days. If I had to summarize how I felt today in one word, it was distraught!
I think given my current situation, I now have great fears about abandonment. I worried all day that perhaps our supporters would abandon me too. Perhaps they wouldn't walk, they wouldn't send me photos, and you get the picture! Thankfully our loyal and steadfast supporters from all over the USA, sent photos and reached out!
- Our Sponsors
- Our Supporters
- Walk photos! It was wonderful to see and feel the energy our supporters have for Mattie Miracle!
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