Tonight's picture was taken in May of 2004. Peter's mom sent Mattie this adorable ride on fire truck. Mattie LOVED it. Mattie loved all vehicles and anything with wheels! Mattie would ride this truck, wash it, and walk it around with it. When I was a child, I gravitated to very different things than Mattie. So when Mattie came along, I followed his lead and wow did I learn a lot!
Quote of the day: You will never know true happiness until you have truly loved, and you will never understand what pain really is until you have lost it. ~ Unknown
I am alive and going through the motions each day. But some days it hits me more than others that I no longer have a husband. NOT by choice. Perhaps it is because it is a holiday weekend, or perhaps it is a holiday weekend that somewhat defines the beginning of summer. But my reality has hit me. Since Mattie died, summer has always been a challenging season for me because children are out of school, and therefore, if I am out and about, I am likely to see families all around me. There is less of that during the school year. So already I feel different, but now it is almost like I have received the final blow.
Post Foundation Walk, Peter and I typically went away on vacation to a beach. I feel lost, I feel constant loss and grief, I feel abandoned, and most of all I feel confused and unable to process what is happening to me. How did this happen?
- Visits from friends who understand I am traumatized. Which means that I really don't act like myself anymore.
- CHOCOLATE treats!
- Gardening. I spent two hours in our front yard today pulling weeds, shaping bushes, and cutting off dead roses. When I came inside, I looked like an extension of the garden.
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