Tonight's picture was taken in June of 2009. Mattie was in the outpatient clinic and was having a wheelchair race with one of his art therapists, Jessie. I remember these moments like they were yesterday. I will always be grateful to the amazing women at the hospital who helped us make the impossible more bearable!
Quote of the day: The heart is heaviest when it’s empty and lightest when it’s full. ~ Helen Scott Taylor
Today was NOT a good day. I have felt overwhelmed on every level. In my home, I have to be the jack of all trades, meet everyone's needs, and be able to have solutions for everything! It is beyond exhausting. Some days I can take it better than others, today wasn't such a day. I can't possibly describe my level of despair.
When I got home, after taking my dad to the podiatrist and then both of them out to lunch, I let Indie outside on our porch. She demands porch time now, and howls until I open the door. Normally she stays on the porch, but I got distracted with my dad's bathroom routine, my mom's request about a phone call, and sure enough, when I went to look for Indie, she was gone! I literally called her, checked under every tree and bush for 45 minutes. I even went in the crawl space under the house. It is hot outside and the stress of all of this, made me lose my voice and get a horrible sore throat. I text messaged my neighbors too, in case she migrated onto their properties. But what I have learned is I am alone and I have to manage every crisis alone. It is quite a bitter pill to swallow.
An hour of searching and then my mom spotted Indie! But Indie started running away as we tried to approach her. Truly she wore me out to no end. This evening I purchased a cat harness and a retractable leash. If she wants to go out, that will be her only option as there is NO bloody way I am going to endure this fright again! All I say is God give me strength because there are days I do not think I am going to make it.
Everyone in my house is miserable. My mom questions why I ever married Peter? Now 35 years later, it is a hard question to answer. I never imagined I would have to answer such a question or that I would be so dispensable. But what I do know is the whole thing is hurtful. One of my neighbor's wrote to me today and said that..... my situation (as she has watched it unfold) is so horrific that NO ONE knows how to help. All people can try to do is be there, provide support, and to let me know I am loved. A beautiful statement!
- Finding Indie!
- Having an angel to watch over me.
- Surviving today.
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