Friday, June 21, 2024

Friday, June 21, 2024

Tonight's picture was taken in June of 2009. Mattie was in the outpatient clinic, and next to him was his buddy, Maya. Maya and Mattie were the same age. They met early on in Mattie's treatment journey, at this same art therapy table. During that first encounter a bunch of kids were all working on projects and Maya began to talk about how she didn't like needles and being poked. Typically Mattie would remain quiet in group settings, but not with Maya. He immediately piped up and agreed and shared his feelings. I was stunned. That was how their beautiful friendship began! In this particular photo, Mattie and Maya created a little theatre out of a box and art materials. Not only did they create the stage, but then provided a performance for everyone in clinic. Maya brought out the best in Mattie and she was his only (by choice!) same aged friend at the hospital. 

Quote of the day: You will never know true happiness until you have truly loved, and you will never understand what pain really is until you have lost it. ~ Unknown

Last night after I got my parents to bed, I walked into my bedroom and it almost seemed like a light was on! But there was NO light on. It was a big Mattie Moon, shining in on me. I can't tell you what a miraculous sighting this was for me. I had a tough day, felt very distraught and with great despair, and then I saw this! A reminder that Mattie is with me, is watching over the nightmare I am living, and is shining directly into my room to let me know I am loved. 

My days are incredibly long here. I get up anywhere between 6 and 6:30am every day for the most part. There are no breaks during the day and then I do not get into my bedroom until after 10pm. A terribly long day. Once I am in my room, I try to block out the world, I turn on the TV, watch comedy shows, and try to regroup. In my bedroom, I am surrounded by photographs Peter took over the years. Photos of places we shared together. Now of course I look at all these photos and wonder, what on earth was I missing about Peter!? I consider myself astute regarding my ability to read people and sensitive to the needs of others around me, which is why so much of what is going on right now is a total shock. 

I received a text message from one of my dad's caregivers in Los Angeles. I absolutely LOVED Zhaine. She and I are the same age, she is in constant motion like me, and I am quite sure between her and I, there isn't anything we couldn't do together caregiving wise. She took excellent care of my dad. Honestly I wish this caregiving company was here in Virginia. Finding quality, reliable, and trustworthy caregivers is not easy, but I never worried leaving my parents in Zhaine's care. In any case, Zhaine wrote to me today and shared this photo memory. Zhaine came into our lives in 2020, after my dad's two rounds of hospitalization for sepsis and an impacted colon. My dad had lost 50 pounds back then and was very weak. It is amazing that with good care, a better diet, and an exercise routine, my dad looks better now than he did four years ago! 


Three things I am grateful for:

1. Friends that stay connected and reach out to me. 
2. The MOON! A constant reminder of my Mattie. 
3. My copper bullet hoses! They are a lifesaver, as I am watering my garden daily. If I had to manage those bulky, heavy hoses that kink, I am sure I would be less motivated to water and be in my garden. I have DAILY garden time. It is my therapy of choice.